Entitled Parents

I don't care if your daughter is disabled, my child is too sleepy to walk

Backstory: My daughter is disabled. She has nonverbal autism and TBI (traumatic brain injury) which means she looks relatively normal, but she is profoundly disabled. I rarely take her out into public alone because she is so hard to manage, especially now that she is almost nine. Not only will she not stay with me, she will bolt like a greyhound, scream, rip things open, steal toys from babies and otherwise be an impossible nuisance. For this reason, I almost always order what I need for delivery, including groceries. However life is unpredictable sometimes and I every so often have to brave a trip to the grocery store.

A few years ago, the gods smiled down on me when the local grocery store I prefer started using the Caroline Cart. If you don't know what that is, it's a special cart with a large seat for disabled children who are too big for the toddler seat. They park it with the scooters and wheelchairs with a big blue HANDICAP marker on it so that parents don't mistakenly use it for their older, able-bodied children but admittedly, this doesn't seem to stop them. I see people using it all the time like one of the car carts (carts with a toy car attached for their kids to 'drive' while they shop).

This particular day a few weeks ago, the snow was so heavy and intense that not only was school canceled, but so was my grocery delivery. I would have to go to the store... with my daughter.

As usual, I walked in praying that the Caroline Cart would be available and thank goodness it was. Strapping my daughter into the seat (it has a five point harness) I started shopping. As usual, my first stop was the bakery to get a free cookie. They always hand them out to kids.

I noticed right away that there were a lot of other kids there that day, and assumed that many parents were like me, saddled with their kids during the snow day and unable to get grocery delivery. The bakery was hopping and there were a number of parents and kids waiting for a new batch of cookies to be ready.

One of the mothers seemed particularly harried and I cannot say I blamed her. Her daughter (around age 5) was having a meltdown. She was angry, crying, shouting, demanding a cookie.

EM: They aren't ready yet honey, we just have to wait.

Noticing the glances of everyone around her she looked defensive but apologized saying, "I'm sorry, she's very tired, it's past her nap time." No one said anything, we were all parents, we understood.

My daughter did not like the noise and as she often does when she is irritated, she was 'stimming', that is, flapping her hands or pushing a fist into her ear over and over. I got out her Minnie Mouse phone and handed it to her and she calmed down and started playing with it. Looking over, the EM saw us and looked inexplicably relieved.

EM: Oh thank goodness. That cart wasn't there when we came in, do you mind if I use it? EK is exhausted.

Me: Uh... oh I'm sorry, but my daughter actually needs it. She's disabled.

The EM blinked and looked at my daughter playing quietly with her toy. "She doesn't look disabled. What's wrong with her? Can she walk?"

I was flabbergasted at how insanely rude that was.

Me: Uh... yes, she can walk but she would run off in a hot second. I can't hang onto her and shop at the same time.

EM: So you're using the disabled cart because your daughter doesn't listen to you? Look, she's much older than my little girl and she seems fine, we really need the cart.

She started coming over and I protectively pulled the cart closer to me.

Me: Um no, she has autism-

EM: Jesus everyone has autism. That's not a real disability.

I was pretty pissed at this point.

Me: The cart is for disabled children, like you JUST said, not sleepy children. Why don't you use a car cart?

Her: There AREN'T any car carts! Besides I can't see her in that. Just let me use the cart!!!

The shouting upset my daughter again and she started doing the thing where she punches her ear over and over. It was the first time she looked abnormal and the woman looked visibly distraught and sort of grossed out.

By now, other people were paying more attention and this wonderful older woman said,

W: Ma'am, autism can be a very severe disability. Look, you're upsetting the little girl and the cart is for disabled children. You need to stop now.

I mouthed a silent thank you to the older woman wishing I could go hug her because that was some Wonder Woman level intervention to speak up that way but my daughter was upset so I decided to skip the cookie and just leave, so I turned the cart around and walked off. No one stopped me but the same older woman who had stood up for me saw us waiting in line and insisted I go in front of her so I could get home. I was so grateful!

My little girl was at that point, possessively clutching the string to a helium balloon I was intending to buy but I was debating how to get it away from her so it could be scanned without making her flip out because you can't just take stuff from her.

The kind old lady saw my struggle and reached out to tear the scan code sticker off the string and put it with HER purchases.

W: I've got it.

She winked at me and my little girl and said, "I think you could use a little extra kindness today."

Me: Oh no! It's an eight dollar balloon really -

W: I insist.

I thanked her profusely and left with tears in my eyes, touched. I love it when people try to make my day a little easier.