Motley Crue - You're All I Need (Vince Neil/Nikki Sixx/Tommy Lee/Heather)

32: Fooling Yourself

- two months later -

~ Amanda's POV ~

These past couple of months haven't been easy for me. Not even in the slightest bit. And for so many different reasons.

Moving into my new apartment was nothing short of a disaster, I highly regret not spending more time packing up my things as it was a nightmare to unpack. And there was a huge mess involving my lease contract which took forever to get sorted out with my landlord. Also, I was getting offered so many jobs that I had to turn some away. It sounds like a good thing, but it's hard to pick and choose which projects to do, and which to not take.

And then there's the obvious, the constant memory of Vince and Lauren's engagement. And this isn't just me sitting around my new apartment moping around about it, I probably would've been able to move past it, had it not been for my constant contact with both of them. Naturally, I assumed that I wouldn't even be invited to their wedding. Vince and I had an insanely messy past with each other, but I guess my new friendship with Lauren trumped that. I was one of her bridesmaids. Hooray for me, right?

It was all fine, I could be happy for them without letting my feelings get in the way. I had gotten better at hiding them over these past few weeks. Even though my outburst at Tommy and Heather's housewarming party had sort of made them evident to basically every person I already knew or who would ever come into contact with me.

It was harder, though, to hide the feelings when there was a bachelorette party planned for the night. And since I was one of her bridesmaids, I had to be there.

"You're going to need to put on a better pretend face for tonight," Melissa told me as we were getting ready together in my new apartment.

"Oh, please," I said back. "It's not pretend anymore."

I had started to feel much better over the past couple of months. But you can't make yourself fall out of love with somebody. I was learning that the hard way.

"Whatever you say, Amanda," Melissa responded, rolling her eyes. She grabbed my handbag off of the kitchen island and handed it to me with a concerned look in her eyes.

"I'm fine, really," I said, snatching the handbag from her and leading us out of the door. Maybe if I kept telling myself that, it would eventually be true.

We headed towards the nightclub where the night would begin. Heather was Lauren's maid of honor, so she was already there with Lauren, waiting for the rest of us to show up.

"Lauren is my friend, too," Melissa stated frankly as we were nearing the club.

"I know that," I responded, a little annoyed, knowing what she was going to say next.

"And I don't want to see her get hurt from any of this," she finished.

"I don't either," I commented. "I don't know why you keep saying things like that."

"Because I know you," she said. "You obviously still love him. And he's getting married tomorrow. I know you must be hurting. I don't want you to say or do anything you'll...regret."

"Even if I wanted to do something 'about it'," I responded, my hand now on the door to get into the club. "I can't anyway."

We walked into the club and quickly spot the girls in the back corner with plenty of drinks already waiting for us at the table. Lauren was dressed extravagantly, her hair and makeup done up wild, Heather's specialty. We took a seat in the booth and the night slowly began.

"I'm so glad you guys are finally here!" Heather said. She raised a shot glass from the table and held it up, and we all followed suit. I don't know what was in that shot, but it was revolting. As I coughed it down I couldn't help but think of how long the next couple of days were going to be. Why was I doing this to myself?