Horizons of Love✓

Part 3

10 days later:

Payal constantly shuffled from RM to GH. She understood Khushi more than anyone else.She tried to soothe her,share her pain,bring her cheery self back just like the time when eight year old numb, scared, just orphaned Khushi had come to live with them. 

Payal held the family together as Khushi was completely broken. Elder Guptas were sick and mourning. They were scared how Khushi would cope up this time.

Khushi didn't know when she again slept while weeping her heart out. It had become routine for her. She didn't know what was happening around her. She had stopped responding to anyone,kept herself locked inside her room. Helpless calls of her family could not penetrate the thick bubble her mind had created around her. She had clearly told them on day one,when they tried to talk about all that happened; that she wants time to come out of all this and pleaded them to let her mourn alone. She didn't want to share her pain. But with passing time, her mourning had turned into something else.Her world stopped moving. At times she felt so pitiful of herself, knowing that it was all over but her heart refused to believe.

Heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.

Whenever she remembered Arnav's words, his expression; her self doubts increased. Sometimes she blamed her poor background,her being orphan but so was he and worse was that at times she felt that she was ugly and not up to his standards may be the reason why Arnav left her at the first chance he got. Or maybe she really was careless in assessing the threat that Shyam was and Arnav misinterpreted it all wrong. All due to her faults and lapses. 

She had nightmares of him choking her in sleep with his bare hands. He would sometimes push her from terrace. Every time it ended with the same sentence, "You don't deserve to live". Her muddled brain even tried to justify his act of choking her cause she at times felt that he is right, she didn't deserve to live. She only brought misfortune and bad luck to everyone around. Arnav got kidnapped,  Anjali miscarried, Amma was insulted. It was all her fault. She must have been so busy in her own world that she forgot his pain behind his anger. Truly she didn't deserve him. He was right,she is the biggest mistake of his life. Which he tried to correct, she laughed at sardonically at this thought. She conveniently forgot the real reasons and reality of her so called love/husband, Shri Arnav Singh Raizada! 

Raat hamari to
Chaand ki saheli hai
Kitne dinon ke baad
Aayi woh akeli hai
Sanjha ki baati bhi koi bujha de aaj
Andhere se jee bhar ke Karni hain baatein aaj

She was in acute self-blaming phase that nothing except Arnav being right and her being wrong existed around her. She slowly started to like these sadistic thoughts. This phase was growing onto her.She would at times doubt if she loved him sincerely.Did something lack in her love? This phase had destroyed her confidence,belief in herself. She started to think from the perspective that his words had imposed on her mind. Anyhow she wanted to find a reasonable, solid reason for Arnav doing all this with her. Koi itna bura bina wajah to nahi kar sakta.(Why would someone behave so cruelly without reason). She wanted to justify her suffering. She must have done something so bad to him. It must be her karma. She considered if she was a bad person to suffer so much. Maybe she was bad luck to him. 

(People do it at times. It is important that you anyhow come out of this self-blaming phase.These are signs of depression that people fail to see. Anything bad happening to you is NOT your fault always. Don't find flaws inside you all the time.)

She would come sit at dining table demand food, eat it hurriedly and go back to her room not paying any attention to her mother, Buaji or Payal calling her. She had only one task - wallowing in self pity. Guptas were so tensed at her behavior that no could sleep or work properly. Buaji was going mad in her worry for Khushi. Even Payal this time could not penetrate the thick walls she had built around herself. All her attempts failed but she was determined to bring her bubbly sister back on track.How can a person take away all her happiness? She won't sit and watch her sister fading away. Khushi had bathed just once in these 10 days in month of August humidity and that too when her skin started to itch but she still  wore her wedding joda, which had now started to smell.