Chapter 5

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Nathans pov

I woke up the next morning, actually excited to be up this early, to see the happy Ellen dancing around the kitchen. I got out of bed and went into through loving room and into the kitchen. I saw Ellen curled up on the counter crying, oh fuck. I ran over and she looked at me. "fuck Ellen, what's wrong?" I asked, she was sobbing and looking at me. "why can't..they just be...together?" she asked through sobs.

"what?" I asked her. "she's old and he's old, but she....doesnt remember....him, but everyday...he comes back and reads to her....about their times together.....why? Why can't they be together again!?!?!?!" she was hysterically crying at this point. "I need some ice-cream!" she sobbed, I ran to the freezer and handed her caramel ice-cream and she started eating it out of the tub.

"Ellen, are you alright?" I asked. "I forgot how sad the notebook is!" she shouted, I smirked. "really? That's what this is about?" I asked, she nodded innocently as she stopped crying. I sighed and gave her a lopsided grin, "I thought you were having a melt down." I said, she shook her head. "the movie is just so fucking sad." she said, i was grinning at her as I saw that mischievous look in her eyes, that fire, it was fantastic.

"so, what do you want to do today?" I asked. "depends, what do you want to do?" she shouted back, I narrowed my eyes at her. "no, what do you want?" she smirked. "no, what do you want?" "fine! Let's go watch movies and eat all day." I finally said, she nodded. "sounds good to me." she said as she grabbed a bunch of stuff from the cupboard.

I went into the living room and smiled. This was the Ellen I loved, she was acting real again. I flicked on the avengers and Ellen came over. "come on." I said and patted the seat next to me. She eyed the couch and me, then shook her head. "floor?" she asked, I rolled onto the floor and laid on my back with my head propped up on the couch.

I patted the floor next to me and she came over. She laid down a foot from me and put the snacks in between us. I turned off the lights and laid back down, we started munching on popcorn. "wait, so, Loki is the evil guy?" she asked, I nodded. "and the other hawk guy, isn't he good?" she asked. "yes, he's just under lokis spell." I replied, she nodded.

Two hours later we'd finished the avengers and had started on Takeover. Ellen was starting to doze off so I picked up all the food and put it on my other side. "hey, love." I whispered, she looked at me. "ya?" she asked. "come here." I replied, she shuffled over and I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her against me.

She was shivering, but not trying to get away at least. She rested her head on my chest and watched the movie. I watched as her eyes slowly started to flutter closed, I smiled, she actually looked peaceful. Then she shot up and started running her nails down her wrist. Red lines followed her nails, not cuts exactly but dam it was pretty close.

"hey, stop it." I said, she kept doing it. I grabbed her wrists and she froze. "let me go." she whispered. "stop doing that." I retorted. "if I stop I'll fall asleep." she said. "what's wrong with that?" I asked. "if I fall asleep during the day, they'll get me." she sobbed, I pulled her to me in a hug and rubbed her back.

"please stop." she begged, I let her go and gritted my teeth. "Ellen I see you hurting and I want to comfort you, but the only way I know to do that is to hold you, I don't know how to make it better for you if I can't touch you." I admitted. "that's the problem, it won't be better, because I have nothing to make it better." she stated coldly,

"but I want to make it better!" I said. "I just need your help." I continued, she looked at me. "but I'm scared." she whispered. "start with the little things ok, why don't you go to sleep?" I asked, she looked at me. "look, lay down on me, I won't touch you." I said, she laid her head on my chest and I put my hands under my head.

"it's alright, you're here now, they won't get you again." I said, she sighed. "I want to believe it Nathan, I really do." she whispered, I watched the movie and after a while she fell asleep on my shoulder. I reached out and touched her back, she flinched, even in her sleep, dam.

I lightly ran my hand down her back to her shoulder and one of her arms. I ran my fingers over the scars on her wrists and sucked in my breath, they looked like knife cuts, this poor girl. She shuddered and whimpered. I ran my fingers up her neck and across her jaw, she looked so peaceful, you'd never know anything was bothering her if you saw her right now.

Her body spasmed for a second and she curled tighter around me. A sob quietly slid out of her throat and her arms started moving. I ran my fingers through her surprisingly soft hair and she cried out in her sleep. Shit, she must be having a nightmare, she screamed and I shook her. "love, love, wake up!" I shouted, her eyes shot open and she jumped away from me an into a corner.

"hey, it's alright." I said as she held herself and cried. "it was just a dream." I whispered, she shook her head back and forth slowly. "no, it was real." she whispered. "no, it wasn't, you've been here with me the whole time, I'm not going to let anything hurt you." I said, she shuddered and tears fell down her cheeks.

"it felt so real." she sobbed, I went over to her and she cowered in the corner. I sat down next to her and she stared at me with wide eyes. "I promise you, I won't hurt you." I said, I reached out to touch her and she flinched away. "why don't you touch me?" I asked, god that sounded dirty. I leaned against the wall and she crawled over.

She reached foreword and touched the sides of my neck with her hands. "you do look like him Nathan, it's scary the resemblance." she whispered as she ran her hands down my chest. She reached my belt and slid her hands under my shirt and back up my chest. "see, it's ok." I whispered, she looked at me, her eyes big. "we won't hurt you...i won't hurt you." I said and reached out, he stared at my hand, then I cupped her cheek in my hand and she took a deep breath, but didn't pull away.

"I've never want to be touched by anyone before." she said, then looked into my eyes. "until now." she whispered. "I want to touch you, I want to be touched by you, but...I'm just scared." she whispered. "oh, love." I sighed. "you'll get over it, the fear will go away, I'm sure." she looked at me. "promise me." she said. "promise you what?" I asked. "promise it'll go away, promise me I won't e scared anymore." she whispered. "I can only promise you that, if you're willing to try." I responded. "I am." she said

"then I promise you that you'll get better, I promise you that you won't be afraid anymore." I promised her, she gave me a halfhearted smile. "hearing you say it, makes it almost seem possible...almost." she said, I sighed. I pulled my hand away and she instantly relaxed more. I put my hands behind my head and she sighed. "thank you." she said, then came over and straddled my waist.

She ran her hands over my skin and sighed. "this, I can do." she said. "as long as you don't touch me." she added quickly, her hands danced over my skin and I gritted my teeth. This was turning me on, a lot. no! Head out of the gutter! She's trying to get better! She's using this as therapy cause she was abused!

Stupid dirty mind, stop it, stop it, stop it, oh who the fuck am I kidding? Of course I can't help it, there's a hot girl straddling me and rubbing her hands all over my skin. STOP IT STUPID MIND! oh fuck, this was bad, this was bad. "I need a shower." she finally said and jumped off me and ran into the bathroom. Oh thank god, that was going to get awkward in a second when she felt my hard on digging into her leg.

Fuck this was bad, oh you stupid mind, why can't you just think good thoughts? I sighed and stood up, then went into the other bathroom and had a nice, long, cold shower, very, very cold shower.

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