Pretty Boy (boyxboy)

Chapter Five

The closer I get to Dr. Olsen's office, the more nervous I become.
That's the worst part about having anxiety. The smallest task takes every ounce of strength and courage I have.

I am finally standing outside of the closed wooden door, debating on wether or not to knock.
Out of respect, I raise my fist and tap lightly on the door.

"Come in!"

I push the door open and he gives me a smile.
"Hey Matthew. Have a seat."

I nod and sit down in the uncomfortable plastic chair sat in front of his desk.

My nerves have yet to calm down, but I try to relax and wipe the sweat of my palms onto my jeans. He must read my thoughts because he gives me a reassuring smile.

"There's nothing to be nervous about. I just want to see how you're doing."

"Okay." I nod.

He nods back at me and shifts through a stack of files in front of him before stopping and pulling one out.

"So tell me. How are you settling in so far?"

My fingers intertwine with each other as I try to answer and get this meeting over with as quickly as I can.

"Pretty good." I answer shortly.

"I've noticed you and Jamie have become good friends."

I smile a little.
"Yeah. She's been a great friend to me."

"She's a sweet girl. I'm glad you two have become close."

He looks back down at his file before speaking again.

"I know you don't enjoy talking about these things but I have to ask. Have you harmed yourself since you have been in our care?"

I swallow.
"No. I wanted to the first few days but it's not like I exactly had the opportunity or tools to do it so..." I trail off.

"That's the point. But I'm glad you refrained. You seem to be making good progress so far."

I shrug, keeping my gaze on my hands.
"I guess."

"I have to say I'm a bit surprised you haven't had any visitors. Your file says that you have an older sister..." he pauses, flipping through the pages in my file.

"Evangeline?" He asks, eyeing me carefully.

My breath hitches and my body stills.
I can already feel the tears being to well up in my eyes and my throat begins to close up. I will myself not to cry. Not here. Not now.

"Matt?"

I clear my throat and keep my head down.
"Had."

His face twists in confusion.
"Pardon?"

"I had an older sister. She's dead."

I hear his breathing catch and I know he must feel like a jerk for bringing it up now.

"I'm so sorry. It didn't say that in your file. I wouldn't have ask-"

"It's fine." I interject.

He gives me the same sad look that everyone else gives me and clears his throat again, closing the file on his desk and putting it away.

"Well I think that's enough for now. You're free to go."

I don't bother with a response, I don't trust my voice right now.

I quietly leave his office, trying not to trip over my own two feet. The hallway seems to tilt on its side as I try to get back to my room without falling to pieces.

It's a miracle I make it back to my room without face planting.
The tears I've held back for so long finally begin to spill down my cheeks.

Why did he have to mention Eva. I was fine and he ruined it all.

"Fuck!" I yell, grabbing books from my shelf and throwing them to the ground.

She wasn't supposed to die. She should be here.

Every book that hits the ground only seems to fuel my anger. I hate Eva. I hate her.
None of this would have ever happened if she were still alive.
God, why can she still be alive?'

The small pillow that was placed neatly onto my bed gets hurled across the room, along with the half empty suitcase, my clothes spilling out onto the floor. 

My body begins to tire, my anger slowly defusing into anguish.

My legs give out from under me and I fall to my knees, loud sobs racing through my body.

I hear loud footsteps running down the hallway toward me but I don't have the energy to pay attention to it.

"Matt?? Hey, what's wrong? What happened? Are you hurt?"

The sound of Nate's voice fills my ears. I don't want to hear it. My hands cover my ears and my body shakes as my cries grow louder.

"Make it stop! Please make it stop! It hurts!" I plead.

The rational side of me knows there's nothing he can do for me, but that side of me is long gone right now.

I half expect him to freak at my outburst and run to find JJ or Doctor Olsen.
But he doesn't. He gathers me up in a swift movement, holding me in his lap, rocking me slowly.

My body falls limp against him and I let myself be held. My tears are leaving stains on his white t shirt but he doesn't seem to notice.

I hear another set of feet running toward the room. I don't know who they are yet but I wish them away. I don't want to be seen like this.

Jamie makes her appearance at the door and stares worriedly at the pair of us on the floor.
"Oh my god. I'll go get Dr. Olsen."

I want to yell at her and tell her not to get him. He's the last person I want to see right now.

"No Jamie, leave it. Just let him have a minute. Go wait outside, I've got him."

Jamie gives Nate a nervous look but eventually relents and backs out of the room, closing the door gently behind her.

"I-I'm sorry." I choke out, burying my tear stained face into his shirt.

I feel his large hand reach up and pets the hair down on my head.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You're okay. I got you." He whispers.

His voice is soft and his words are kind. I can't figure out why he's being so nice to me but right now I don't care.
I've spent so many nights crying myself to sleep all alone and for once, this time, I'm not alone. I need this.

It feels like an eternity before my body finally calms down. I finally feel like I can breathe again.

Once my cries quiet down, I expect Nate to let me go, but he doesn't.
He continues to rock me, side to side, back and forth, petting my hair as I continue to calm down.

"Are you okay?" He asks lowly.

I nod my head against his chest.

"Do you wanna talk?"

I shake my head.
"Please don't make me. Please?"

"I won't make you do anything." He promises.
"Are you tired?"

I nod again.

"Come here."

He lifts me from the ground and places me gently onto my bed, pulling the sheet over my tired body.

"Do you want me to stay?"

I don't even realize I'm nodding again until he gives me a small smile and climbs into the small bed with me. His back rests against the low headboard and he pushes my hair out of my eyes.

"Get some sleep, pretty boy."

A small smile spreads on my face and I close my eyes.
It doesn't take long before the warmth of Nate's body beside me, pulls me into a deep sleep.