Pretty Boy (boyxboy)

Chapter Eight

It takes me little to no time to get to the bathroom. I made that my first priority when I arrived here.  My hands are shaky as I push the heavy door open and quickly lock myself into one of the small stalls.

I need to calm down.
Nothing happened. We were just caught up in the moment, that's all.

I. Am. Straight.

I repeat the words in my a thousand times over at least, convincing myself that it's the truth.
But why didn't I pull away?
Why did part of me hope he actually got to kiss me?

My breath catches when I hear the bathroom door creak open again. I bite my lip to keep quiet and peek under the stall door. I instantly recognize the worn out, black Nike sneakers.

"Matt?"

I stay quiet.
His feet pad closer to the closer stall door and I hear a thump against the outside of it.
He sighs.

"Matt I saw you come in here, you might as well come out." He reasons.

"What do you want?"

"I wanna talk about this." He states as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

I don't respond.

"Please?"

I take a breath and mentally curse myself for never being able to deny someone the simplest of things.

My hand slowly reaches forward and, before I can change my mind, unlocking the door. I take a small step out, trying to avoid looking at Nate's sad brown eyes that always seem to make me melt.

"Could you at least look at me?" He asks, clearly exasperated.

My eyes start to water at his harsh tone but I do as he asks.
"I'm sorry." I whisper.

His face softens.
"I just wanna know what happened back there. Did I do something wrong?"

My heart sinks. I made him think it was his fault. God, why do I have to mess everything up?

"No....no. I just- I just don't know." I stutter.

He eyes me curiously.
"Just talk to me. Tell me how you feel. What are you thinking right now?"

What am I thinking?
I wish I knew. And even if I did I'm not sure I could make sense of it. Everything feels so out of place and scrambled.

"I..." I start.

He takes a step toward me, his large hands rising up to hold my face gently. His gaze locks on me as he tries to coax me into talking.

"Were you going to kiss me?"
My voice shakes.

He pauses for a moment before nodding.
"Unless you had stopped me." He whispers.

"Did you want me to?"

My bottom lip trembles as I try to hold back my tears of growing frustration.
"I think so. Maybe? I don't know, Nate. I'm so damn confused."

He gives me a half smile.
"It's okay."

He's so understanding. Why is he so understanding?
I shake my head.
"No it's not. I don't know what to do."

A few tears spill down my cheeks and he is quick to wipe them away gently.
"I'll back off." He promises.

No! That's not what I want!

"Can we still hangout and talk and stuff when I visit Jamie, at least?"

I nod quickly.
"I'd like that."

He gives me another nod and presses his lips to my forehead.
His lips are so soft and gentle. I almost wish he would lean down and kiss me...for real this time.

His hands drop from my face and he takes a step back.

"I don't think it's a good idea if I stay the night. I'm gonna go tell Jamie bye and then I'll get going."

I want to tell him to stay but I don't. No words are coming out of my mouth.
He takes my silence for his answer.

"I'll see you around pretty boy."
His voice is low and even after all I just did to him, he's still calling me that damn nickname.

He leaves me in the bathroom and heads back in the direction of the library to find his sister.

Why did I have to fuck everything up? What would have happened if he'd actually kissed me? Would I have liked it?
I have so many questions.

I know I need to hurry up and get back to Jamie but I also know she'll have a hundred questions to ask, and I really don't feel like talking right now.

I poke my head through the bathroom door, checking to make sure that Nate and Jamie are nowhere in sight, before tip toeing down the hallway and into my room.
I quietly close the door and flop down on my still unmade bed. I need to sleep. I really need to sleep.