Pretty Boy (boyxboy)

Chapter Seven

We haven't even gotten halfway through the movie before I hear soft snores coming from Jamie at the other end of couch.

"She'll fall asleep anywhere." Nate laughs.

"Yeah I noticed."

He groans and sits up from his place in my lap, careful not to wake his snoring sister.

"Do I still get to ask another question?" He asks.

I laugh and shrug my shoulders.
"Sure."

His face remains serious, only fueling my nerves at what question he'd ask me this time.

"What happened to Eva?"

His voice is soft and gentle. The sound of her name tugs at my heart like it always does, but it doesn't hurt as bad as it used to.

"Hey you don't have to talk about it. I was stupid for asking, especially now." He backtracks.

I shake my head and give him a smile.
"It's fine. I need to talk about her more."

He nods and shifts in his place, turning his body to face mine and crossing his legs in front of him.

I sigh and let my eyes wander to the movie that's still playing on the dark wall.

"She hung herself when she was 15. I was 13 at the time. None of us ever even knew she was depressed. I was the one who found her the morning after."

Nate's hand finds mine in the dark room and he squeezes it lightly. The gesture brings a wave of comfort over me and I continue.

"A few days after that, we found out that she had been getting bullied online. The things those people said to her...." I pause to take a shaky breath.
"They were awful to her."

Nate surprises me when he pulls me into to his chest, hugging me to him.

"That's fucked up. I'm really sorry." He mumbles.

I sigh and find myself scooting closer to him resting my head on his shoulder.

"Is that when you starting hurting yourself?"
His voice is barely audible and it takes me a minute to understand what he's asking.

I pause. Do I really wanna tell him about this right now? Why does he care?

"Yeah."

He lets out a slow, uneven, breath and leans his head down to rest on top of mine.

"Is it my turn to ask a question now?"

He chuckles lightly.
"Sure."

"Jamie told me about your dad...." I begin.

I hear his breathing begin to get rigid and I feel guilty for even bringing it up.

He clears his throat.
"What's the question?"

"What did he do to you?" I ask quietly.

My fingers find a loose string on the end of my t shirt and I tug at it as I wait for his answer.

"I assume she already told you that he was a drug addict, correct?"

I nod.

"He would get so angry over the smallest things. My mom got the worst of it, and she tried to protect us from him, but it wasn't always enough."

I sit up.
"You don't have to say anything else if you don't want to." I tell him, squeezing his hand like he did mine.

He manages a weak smile and continues.
"The night that JJ found our mom..." he trails off.
"It was my fault." He finishes.

My eyebrows furrow in confusion.
"What do you mean?"

His eyes are glazed and unfocused. I almost know for a fact that he's reliving that night over again in his head.

"That night, my dad found me kissing another boy. He was furious. He dragged me inside and he wouldn't stop punching." His voice breaks and my heart sinks into my stomach.

"He said he was gonna beat the faggot out of me."He chokes and I cringe at the awful slur that was used on such a young boy.
"My mom stepped in when she heard me screaming and he turned on her instead. He said it was her fault that she gave him a pansy as a son."

My arms wrap around his neck and I hug him tightly.
He seems surprised at first but his muscles relax and he hugs me back, burying his face into my neck.

"It's not your fault." I whisper into his hair.

He shakes his head and I pull away, pulling his face upwards to look at me.

"None of it is your fault. You can't be angry at yourself because of who you love. You don't get to choose that."

His eyes are sad, but he gives me a short nod anyway.
I hug him close to me again and I feel him smile against my shoulder.

"Thank you." He whispers.

I nod and release him from my grip.
It takes me a minute to understand that I'm now sitting in his lap and our faces are a lot closer than I remember.

His eyes are shining, even in the dim-lit room, and his perfect heart shaped lips are parted.
We're both staring at each other now and my heart is beating furiously in my chest.
What the hell is happening?

I'm frozen in place when I realize that he's now staring at my mouth.
Oh shit.

His face is getting closer and closer by the second and I'm still not moving.
Why aren't I moving?

His movements are extremely slow but our noses are touching now. My eyes glance up and lock with his again.
Neither of us are speaking and he's still inching forward.

Jamie suddenly groans and begins to sit up from her nap. My senses are suddenly returned to me and I quickly back up and off of his lap, returning to my seat.

Nate gives me a slightly hurt look and I can feel the guilt beginning to eat me from the inside out.

"What's going on guys?" JJ asks sleepily.

"Nothing." Nate answers quickly, never breaking his eye contact with me.

Part of me is disappointed that Jamie woke up.
Would he have actually kissed me?
Would I have actually let him kiss me?

My mind is swirling and I can't think straight.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." I say hurriedly and jump up, exiting the tension-filled room before Jamie can question me.