Pretty Boy (boyxboy)

Chapter Thirty Nine

SUNDAY 

"Did you ever call your dad?" Mom asks me, looking up from her bowl of salad. 

I nod, letting my fork pick at the lettuce leaves in my own bowl. 
"He came here."

I hear her fork drop down into her bowl and her face jerks to me. 
"He what?"

"He said he wanted to explain, so I let him come here while you were on your shift yesterday." 

I notice her jaw tightens slightly but she nods.
"So then did he explain?"

I nod, biting the inside of my cheek. 

"Well?" She urges. 
"What was his great explanation for leaving behind his child?" She asks harshly. 

"It's a lot deeper than it sounds." 

I hear her scoff, pushing herself away from the counter.
"I doubt that. If you ask me, he just didn't want the responsibility anymore, so he ran, just like he always did. Some things never change." She grumbles, raking the rest of her food into the trash can and tossing her bowl into the sink.

My teeth clench.
"Don't talk about him like that. Not in front of me."

"Are you serious right now? You're actually going to defend the man that walked out on us?" She asks, baffled.

I push myself up from the counter, slamming my palms down in front of me.
"You wanna know why he left? Because he was gonna kill himself, and he wanted to make it easier on us."

Her face falls.
"What?"

"You're allowed to have your opinion about him, but he's still my dad, and I don't want to have to hear you talk about him that way anymore." 

She opens her mouth to say something else but I don't stick around to hear it, leaving my half empty bowl sitting on the counter and going back into my room, slamming the door behind me like a child. 

Never in a million years did I think I would see the day that I would be defending my dad against my mom. I'd stayed angry with him for so long, but upon hearing his confession yesterday, a lot of that angry has been replaced with sadness. Sadness for not giving him the chance to talk the day at the hospital, and for saying those awful things to him. 

I can't hate him for what he did. I never have, no matter how much I wanted to. I know what it's like to want to die. I never got as far as having a whole plan like he did, but I thought about it almost every single night. I even had a letter written out for my mom to find if I ever decided to go through with it. 

It feels like forever ago since I've felt that way, now. Being at the hospital has helped me a lot, but having Jamie and Nate with me every day has been the biggest cause of my recovery. It had been too long since I'd had someone to talk to, about anything, and it never be awkward. Jamie reminds me a lot of how Eva used to be. 
She's quiet, yet independent and strong, and always manages to see the best in people, even when they don't deserve it. The world could be coming to an end, and she'd still find a way to see the positive in it. 

Nate is the exact opposite. He's loud, confident, and a definite pessimist. Jamie always gets mad at him when he always points out the negatives of everything. He's getting better though. 

He always puts on a fake act when he's around other people, coming off as an arrogant and cocky guy. But I've seen the real him. 
The way he always has to ask to make sure that I'm okay whenever something goes the slightest bit wrong, or how he kisses my cheek after making fun of me to make sure I know he was only joking. He's the most gentle person I've ever come across in my life, and I'm lucky to be with him. 

He has been my first for everything so far. My first kiss, my first relationship, my first sexual experience. Maybe even my first love. I don't know what love feels like, but I'm sure it can't be far off from the way I feel about him. 

I have to break myself away from my thoughts long enough to get my things together. My bag of freshly washed clothes gets slung over my shoulder and my phone gets stuffed into my pocket as I slip on my shoes. 

"Mom, we need to go." I tell her curtly. 

She sighs, grabbing her keys off of the coffee table and following me to the door. 
"You wanna drive?" 

I shake my head.
"Not today." 

I throw my bag in the backseat of her car and climb up front beside her, turning on the radio in hopes to drown out what is sure to be another awkward car ride. 

It doesn't take long for her to get annoyed with my music selection and she's reaching over to turn it off. 
"I'm sorry for what I said about your dad. That was out of line."

I sigh.
"It's fine."

"It's not. I shouldn't talk about him that way in front of you."

"Did you know?" I ask quietly. 

"No I didn't. I knew he was depressed after loosing Eva, but I never ever knew he was considering suicide."

I nod.
"I told him to give me time to think about everything. He said he wants to get to know me again."

"I think you should give him a chance." 

"I think I will. I don't think I can be angry at him for feeling the way he did, when I know I felt the same way."

"How long will he be in town?"

I shrug.
"He didn't say." 

She doesn't respond as she pulls into the hospital parking lot, stopping at the front to let me out. 

"Tell Jamie and Nate I say hello." She says as I'm grabbing my bag of clothes from the backseat. 

"I will." I grin, waving as I watch her drive off through the glass doors.