Pretty Boy (boyxboy)

Chapter Forty Three

FRIDAY

"Where's your head at right now?" Jamie asks, bumping her hand into mine as we lay on her messy bed. 

I sigh. 
"I don't know. All over the place." 

"You wanna talk?"

I nod and she rolls onto her side, propping her head up on her elbow. 
"I'm listening." 

"I feel bad talking about this stuff to you. Nate is your brother." 

She scoffs.
"You are my best friend. As close as we are, you might as well be my family too, and I'm pissed at him for what he did to you. You're not hurting my feelings by talking about him. You have every right to be upset." 

I sigh and rest my arm across my stomach as my eyes stare at the white ceiling above us. 
"He said that he was drunk and he didn't know what he was doing."

I see her eyes cast downwards and she bites her lip.
"I thought I could smell the beer on him when I pushed him that night, but I really tried to make myself believe it wasn't true."

My face twists in confusion and I give her a look.
"What do you mean?"

"After everything happened with dad, Nate got involved with the wrong people. He started sneaking out of the house a lot and he'd come home drunk. He was never violent, but he just wasn't my brother. He always made me promise not to tell mom because it would just make her even more upset, so of course I didn't. I thought I was helping." 

I swallow.
"I never knew that."

She nods, sadly.
"He ended up getting arrested at a house party one night and the cops called our house, but mom was working a shift so my sister Kate had to go get him. She ended up getting me to spill everything and when she found out that it wasn't just a 'one time thing' for him, she got mom involved."

"He got help?"

"Yeah and he did really well for himself. I hadn't seen him that way in years until Wednesday. Did he say why he was drinking?"

"It was my fault." I whisper, biting the inside of my cheek as I try to hold back my tears of guilt.

"Don't say that. What happened?" She asks me gently, pulling my hand into hers. 

"He said he was really upset after what happened at lunch with my dad. He thought I was gonna leave him." 

I hear her sigh and she flops over back onto her back.
"It's not your fault. I know you probably don't wanna hear this right now, but he loves you, so much. He's told me countless times how happy he had been since he'd been with you."

I can't help the minuscule smile that forms on my face, but only for a second before it is wiped away at the realization of my cruel reality. 
"I love him too. I just hate it had to end up like this." 

"Well speaking of which, have you given any more thought about what your dad said?"

I sit up, rubbing my eyes tiredly. 
"With everything going on, I guess I haven't really had the chance to actually think it over."
"What do you think?"

She sits up beside me and focuses her attention onto her short, bitten fingernails. 
"I don't want you to go, but that's selfish. I want you to be happy more than anything else. So if that means you leaving and having a fresh start, and getting to be able to know your father again, then I think you should take the chance." 

"Part of me wants to go with him, just to be able to get a fresh start. If all of this had come up a couple weeks ago I would've immediately said yes. But now, I have things here that I don't know if I could leave behind."

"Him. You mean you don't want to leave him behind." 

"It's not just him. It's you and my mom, and the fact that Eva is buried here. This place is home."

A small smile spreads onto her cheeks.
"I know. You should probably talk to your mom about it. If you decide to go, you'll have to be ready to board the plane by Sunday night."

I nod and clear my throat awkwardly, casting my eyes downward to my fingernails.
"Have you heard from him?"

She shakes her head.
"Not since he left on Wednesday."

"Oh."

"Don't worry about him right now. You have enough to think about."

"I know." I groan, flopping back down onto my back. 

I jerk at the sound of a light knock onto JJ's door and I feel her tense from beside me. Sitting back up, I realize why. 
Spencer stands in the doorway sheepishly, looking like he may burst into tears at any given moment. 

"Can we talk?"

Jamie's face hardens and I nudge her, silently telling her to chill out.
Turning back to him, I give a curt nod and lean forward on the bed, resting my elbows onto my knees as he enters further into the room to stand in front of me. 

"I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, but you have to understand that it took me by surprise just as much as it did you. I promise you it wasn't me that initiated it. I'm really really sorry."

I sigh and rub my hands over my tired eyes. 
"I know. I'm not angry with you. I just need some time."

He nods.
"I understand. Just know, I really am sorry Matt. You know I'd never hurt you on purpose." He mumbles before hurrying out of the room. 

Jamie gives me a look.
"How could you not be angry?"

I shrug.
"I believe him when he says that he didn't mean for it to happen. With Nate obviously drunk, he probably didn't have much of a choice." 

She sighs and throws her arm around my shoulders. 
"You're too kind of a person Matthew Tyler." 

I snort. 
"I could say the same for you Jamie Anne."