Pretty Boy (boyxboy)

Chapter Nineteen

I freeze for a moment as my mom weeps loudly on the floor of her daughters old room.
The sight alone makes me want to burst into tears along with her. I did this. I should've kept my mouth shut.

I drop to my knees beside he and pull her into my lap. Her body stiffens at my touch but she relents and let's herself be held.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." I whisper.

"You're right. I'm...I'm so sorry." She sobs.

I swallow back my own tears and let her cry.

Minutes later, she is wiping her smeared mascara away and collecting herself.
"I haven't been in here since...." she trails off.

"I know."

Her watery eyes meet mind.
"It was just too hard."

I nod and keep my head down.
"It was hard for everyone. Dad lost a daughter too. And I lost a sister. None of it was easy."

She leans back against the opened door and her lip trembles.
"I should've known something was wrong. I'm her mother. I should have talked to her more, maybe I would have noticed. She could have gotten help."

"You can't blame yourself for what happened to her. None of us had a clue that anything was happening. She acted the same as she always did."

She stays silent, staring blankly out the window across the room.

I reach forward and take her hand in mine.
"You need to move on." I say lowly, squeezing her hand softly.

She shakes her head.
"How do you expect me to move on when my daughter is dead."

"You can start by keeping her memory alive instead of burying it away."

"Everything about her seems to just fade more and more every day. I thought if I kept her things put away and her room locked up, then I could pretend she was still here."

"She's gone mom. You have to let her go."

She surprises me when she nods and pushes herself up off the floor.

"Come on. You need to eat."

I stand up and follow her out. She reaches to close the door behind us, but stops herself and pushes it back open.

I give her a weak smile and follow her into the kitchen.

"I didn't know what you'd want to eat so I just made tacos. They used to be your favorite."

"Tacos are fine. Thanks." I smile.

She gives me a weary look as she pulls down a plate from the cabinet.
"Do you just want a small one?"

"Yeah."

She nods and places the smallest one onto my plate, placing it in front of me, and turning back to fix her own.

"You don't have to look so nervous every time you bring up my....issues."
I want to laugh at myself with the way I phrased it but I refrain.

"I'm getting better, ya know."

She bites the inside of her cheek and sits down beside me at the small table.
"I just don't want to say the wrong thing."

"I'm not as fragile as I look." I grin.

She laughs.
"Yeah. I guess you're right."

I take a small bite of the taco on my plate, grinning. That's the first time I've heard her laugh in a long time. It almost sounds foreign, but I revel in the sound that I used to love.

I can feel her eyes on me as I chew and once I've swallowed my bite, she does the same and takes a bite of her own.

"So who are your new friends you mentioned earlier?"

I lick my lips.
"Jamie, the one I was standing with when you picked me up, she's my best friend. And then there's her brother, Nate, and Derek and Spencer."

"I'm glad you've made some friends."

"Yeah me too. I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't had Jamie."

She raises her eyebrows, smirking.
"So you really like her then, huh?"

"Well yeah, she's been my best friend since day one at that place."

She nods and turns back to her food.
"So then her brother lives there with her?"

I shake my head.
"No. He just comes to visit and we all hang out."

"That's nice."

I manage to bite off a few more pieces of my taco, just to satisfy my mother, and toss the remnants into the trash can.

"I'm actually kind of tired. I think I'm gonna head back to my room."

"Okay. Goodnight."

"Night."

"I love you."

I stop and give her a wide smile.
"I love you too mom."