A Lost Faith (Fenris x Hawke' s Cousin! Reader)

Chapter 19- In Mourning

(Y/n)
I was sitting in one of the arm chairs as Hawke sat in the other. I had told her to blame me so she wouldn't feel the pain. I sighed as I heard movement from above, "Is Leandra and (Y/n) okay?" Gamlen said, worriedly. As he made his way down.

"Hi, Uncle...." I muttered as I lifted my dead gaze up to look at him. When Fenris had said it still wasn't my fault I had cried harder into his neck. He hadn't flinched except for when I first wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Where is Leandra? Is she okay?" His voice trailed, seeing my face, "She couldn't be..."

"I'm sorry uncle... It's my fault if only I could have been quicker..." I mumbled.

"So it's your fault! If you would have been...... Is he dead?" Gamlen asked, trying to comprehend the news.

"Yes, can't get much deader..." I mumbled.

"(Y/n)... Gamlen, don't blame her. If anyone's to blame it's my mother's kindheartedness," Hawke says slowly.

I stood slowly and shook my head saying, "I'm going for a walk... I will be back later," I turn and walked out. I've got to clear my head. Nina? Zephyr?

Yes mistress? Nina.

Yes? Zephyr.

I'm not sure how to feel anymore... I thought that if I watched her death in my head seeing it for real wouldn't be as bad... But for days upon days of time and sleepless nights. Now, I no longer see the future as a haunting dream, until I wish it to. I'm not ready to choose my side, Qunari or Hawke?

Mistress, I think you should try your best to serve both, get the Tome, and challenge the Arishok to the death! Nina exclaimed quickly.

I agree with Nina. Zephyr motioned. Both left my head quickly.

I sighed and ran into something sturdy, yet soft. I looked up through my lashes and met, eye to eye, with Fenris, "Oh, hello. What can I do for you, Fenris?"

He smiled softly in response. "Of all the ways we could meet." He wrapped his arms gently around my torso and held me close. "How are you? You haven't talked to me in a few days... I was worried for you..." His hug tightened around my back.

I whimpered, feeling the tears starting to well up in my eyes. "What do you think? I'm broken... It is my fault that she.... She..... My......-"

"Leandra's death wasn't your fa-" I cut him off.

I shook my head, "Not Leandra. I mean my mother.... After I became a slave, she... Well... She killed herself.... And ever since I found out about it I have blamed myself for it."

"Oh, (Y/n), it's okay," Fenris cooed as softly as he could manage. He leaned down and gently pecked my lips. "I am just glad I still have you..."

"Fenris..." I looked away, "We need to talk," I gently move out of his hug and peck him on the lips as I noticed his body tensing up. "I promise it isn't bad."

"Alright..." He led me back to the mansion. As I walked in he closed the door and followed me to the room Denarious should have been within and I sit down and begin speaking.

"Fenris, about what happened back there, you know.... With Hawke and I? When I... Became.... That demon?" I felt sick to my stomach while bringing it up as I turned away, unable to meet his eyes. "I know that must have confused and unnerved you. But I was so wrapped up in trying to get to her in time that I just sort of... Lost control. But it was all part of his plan, but it backfired against him when all it did was making me hunt him down faster. Saving her was so important that I was willing to let no one stop me. Not even any of you guys.." I sighed softly as I cupped my hands in my lap.

"(Y/n), look at me." Fenris ordered softly. My head stays the way it was so he used his right hand, putting his index finger under my chin and his thumb on my bottom lip. Gently guiding my face to look into his deepwood green eyes. "(Y/n), you know I love you, right?"

"Of course. I just..." I attempted to look away, for his grip to tighten slightly.

"Look at me. Never look away from me," He ordered, a new tone in his voice that I couldn't place. Lust maybe? He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. I hesitated a moment before kissing back. After a moment he pulled away, "(Y/n)," He said, his voice seductively low. "I..."

"Fenris? What's wrong?" I tilt my head slightly. He shakes his head as his face began turning pale slightly. I heard him mumble something incoherent under his breath as he looked over my face. "Fenris?"

(Sway - https://youtu.be/a90tZJHBklk?si=sA_PSbcirHMH0Ms6)

"Yes?" He asked, looking away from me.

"What's wrong?" I stood up silently and hugged him to my chest tightly.

He wrapped his muscular arms tenderly around my waist as he pulled my body completely flush with his own. "Love, it's just that I... Had just remembered something painful..." He kissed the top of my head slowly as he shifted my form delicately in his lap, leg on either side of his body.

"I love you, Fenris," I spoke into his chest softly as I breathed in his scent.

He chuckled slightly as he heard that, whispering softly against the side of my neck. "I love you too."

I smiled into him and burrowed my head deeper into his neck. We stayed like that until a familiar voice cut through, "Fenris! Have you seen (Y/n)?" Hawke.

"Up here!" I called, lifting myself up slightly in Fenris' lap as his hands moved tenderly down my sides to rest on my hips.

Hawke ran up, pausing in the doorway as she shifted some of her black hair behind her ear. (Default Hawke, red paint and all). "There you are, Gamlen wants me to watch you, or at the very least one of our companions. Neither of us shoulder travel alone anymore, Gamlen said he doesn't want to risk losing the last part of his family that he has."

"Gamlen's work?" I asked, Hawke nodded quickly in response. "Of course it is. I don't really have to ask anymore..." I leaned into Fenris' muscular chest as I shifted slightly in his lap, feeling him nuzzling his face into my shoulder. "Do you need us for anything Hawke?"

"Actually yeah, I do. We're heading outside of Kirkwall and to a bounty hunters cave. To save an apostate mage." Hawke smiled slow, carefully selecting her words for Fenris.

"Fenris?" I ask, shifting back slightly to look into his eyes. "What do you think?"

I could see the hesitation on his eyes as he looked deeply into mine. He let out a sigh before looking towards Hawke. "Alright. But if she gets hurt I cannot guarantee I will not kill every person involved." I felt his hands snake back to my waist as he pulled me tightly to his chest, smiling against his neck as I kissed it softly.

"I know. Thank you, Fenris." Hawke replied, sending him a shy smile.