Until you came (Zarry) /English Version

58. Better late than never

Ben Winston

What am I supposed to say. The romantic breakfast was to my complete satisfaction. Harry wasn't mad at me for surprising him with it. I have got it all arranged. Nothing was missing - Roses, candlelight, soft music and good food. My feelings just overwhelmed me and I couldn't restrain myself any longer. Maybe I was too hasty, too daredevil, but the time is too precious to let it pass by. You don't meet such a wonderful man every day. I want him to know how I feel about him. We laughed a lot and the atmosphere was quite relaxed - until he got the call.

Whoever called him spoiled the mood.

After Harry came back to the office, his mind was completely elsewhere. Several times I had to nudge him to make him listen at all. Silently we ate on and worked on his novel afterwards. I don't want to push Harry into anything, but I'm already disappointed about the end of breakfast.

Harry

In the middle of breakfast, Zayn called me. This time I accidentally picked up my phone. But that was only because Ben was running around me all the time and I was thinking about how to get away from him. I was really happy about this chance, so I took my mobile and ran outside relieved. 

When I then heard Zayns voice at the end of the line, all the problems came flooding back and for the moment I regretted to pick up the phone. I am so torn between my longing for him and my anger.

In the end, we argued again about the same things.

He feels very bad about his behaviour. You could tell that he was suffering from the situation. In the end I felt the same way. This distance between us make our everyday life hell. We both know that we are meant for each other. I would like to forgive him, but it is not that simple. So I continue to act cool and let him suffer, although I feel so bad about it. I can't make it that easy for him.

But the most important thing on the whole phone call was his last sentence before I just hung up:

I still love you.....

My heart was about to jump out of my chest, I was so touched. It is his declaration of love and my straw that I grasp to.

I still love you too, Zayn, I want to scream through the line and sob at the same time.

This day with its events has thrown me so off track that I could hardly concentrate on my work. Ben noticed it, of course, but remained friendly, even though I'd spoiled everything. This breakfast was so tiring because I'd  to keep him at arm's length all the time, and he'd put so much effort into it. Winston is handsome, intelligent - a man of the world with very, very good manners, but not the man I was dreaming of. I' m not able to change my ways. If Zayn had noticed that Ben was flirting with me like that, he would already be a dead man.

I miss my Pakistani so much it hurts. At night I remember our early days, which were so exciting. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. I dream of Zayn and the next morning I' m unhappy because he's not there. Should I call him after all?