Life of a teenage creep

What happens when I get around that ONE family.

Ok, so today I had to ride with this one family to our activities at church!

First, some backstory!

I babysit for these people occasionally. There's six kids, counting all of them including teenagers, and three adults in this house out in the fields, right?

Now, the four youngest call the man of the house just 'Kelly', and they say he isn't their dad. Supposedly, he's married to the red-headed (It's dyed, though, I have good proof) chick who lives in this house. the third adult is supposedly a grama on one side or the other, I can't figure out which. so, the one kid, let's call him.... Chris, nice and generic, is the only.... Let's say, Johnson, in this family living arraingement. That draws up the question,

"Hey, what the fuck why are you the only one in this house with that last name?"

So, then there's the last kid, the oldest, let's say... Let's-Just-Call-Him-Sam, who I overheard this man-of-the-house-let's-call-him-Kelly talking with a lawyer about adopting, so.... He isn't his, and red-head is his sister, apparently, and Let-s-Just-Call-Him-Chris is his nephew, so....

I don't even want to think about that too much. It'll break my poor little genius head..

Anyway, I babysit for these crazy people sometimes, and end up with situations like these:

Me: What the heck are you doing?!

Let's-Just-Call-Him-Chris: Uhh... salting my (I actually can't remember what he was eating right then)?

Me: Yes, but why like that?! 

Let's-Just-Call-Him-Chris: *being a total ass, shaking a ton of salt all over the floor and wasting it* Like what?

Me: OH MY LORD YOU'RE WASTING IT!!! D: *tries to save the poor, wasted salt* 

Let's-Just-Call-Him-Chris: That's weird! *continues from then on to mock my lack of respect for food-wasters and waste as much as possible*

OR

Me: What the heck are you doing?

The people in that house: Oh, this is porrige, see? *holds up nasty watery-thin liquidy nasty semi-porrige-looking shiz in a bowl*

Me: No, thank you... *puts water and proogie stuff in a bowl and puts it in the microwave* *a few minutes later has wonderful, thick porrirge to fill my belly*

The people in that house: What the heck is that it's all thick that's gross you're weird

And various occurances like that, but... What really got my goat, so to speak, was the event of this wendsday. Something like this:

~In the car~

Me: Wassup?

Let's-Just-Call-Him-Chris: We got turtles. You of course can hold the one that's sure to bite you, because this fucking bitch of a little boy won't let guests hold the safe turtle so they don't get hurt and sue us! (Ok, that was a lie, bros, it was more just 'we got turtles' or something. This was me venting.

~Then, at the house~

Le Me: *washes le hands all nice and clean* I'm gonna hold a pretty turtle! ^-^

Le Let's-Just-Call-Him-Chris: Here, hold him like this! *held me le turtle that birtes instead of the non-biting one*

Me: *does what I nuturally do around danger, in this case stiks my finger in the turtles' face*

Turtle: *bites a chunk out of my finger*

Me: Oh, that's cool! *looks at little rounf\d hole in my fingertip* Oh, he's got my flesh in his mouth! Awesome! :D

Sorella + everyone in that house: oh my lord you're bleeding we have to stop it put a bandaid on that keep it away from me

Me: *runs around ambushing people with my bloody finger, getting them on the nose with the blood now kind of pouring from the hole*

Let's-Just-Call-Him-Chris: *shioves bandaid at me* Get that wrapped up, now.

Me: Why are you being weird about this, it's just blood! I grew up around it, and I don't see why you're being weird!

Let's-Just-Call-Him-Chris: One of our family members got an STD from blood, so we're very cautious of that here.

-RECORD SCREECH-

Ok, my thoughts at this point?

'WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I HAVE STDS TO GIVE I'M AS PURE AS THE DRIVEN SNOW YOU FUCKTARDS'

-RECORD RESUMES-

Me: Jeez, fine! Damn, you people are weird. *notices that it's a rubber bandaid* Nice, not even a fabric bandaid, so it'll rip my skin off. (yes, I'm allergic to the adhesive in rubber bandaids, and HAVE to use the fabric ones or just use sports wrap and gauze, which I prefer.) 

Me: *totally forgets I have an open wound on the side of my finger already, so when I take the bandaid off later it tears a great big long flap of skin off and I have to bite part of my body off*

Me: *REALLY REALLY pissed for no real reason other than this shit about these fucking people*

So, yeah, that's the gist of that. ._. I might give you some more shiz on these people later, but all there is more is that I'm pretty sure that the man of the house there is a murderer who killed his first wife and possibly his child. He's also a psychologist who works with the police, so.... yeah. Also very important in the Republican party, too. ._.