Life of a teenage creep

Time for a check-in with docta luuuuuv

Omgoodness, why did I name this chapter that?! That sounds wrong, like it's me giving the people of Wattpad 'The Talk'!

Yeah, last chapter was depressing. Ouch. Sorry.

I actually give the talk very well, but that's a story for another time.

So, my little Spicies, today we hear about my family pets!

Now, we have a timeline here, kinda. There was Sam, Kirby, then Coco, then Kelly, and then Doofus, and Twist and the rest of Doofus's puppies, then there was Geogia, and the multitude of cats that have come through our lives.

Let's start with Sam. 

Sam was a big, fluffy black and white dg, I can't remember what kind since we owned him when I was around two years old. He was awesome. We'd run around and play and frolic. Later, Mutti told me that he was trying to eat us, but I thought it was really chill at the time. Still do, in fact!

So, Sam ended up being dumped on a farm, 'cuz he's a biter. I think it was either Kirby or Sam, that, one day, when I was around three, my Pa had some company over, right?

So, he had his arm out to the side for some reason, and the dog came running up and latched onto his forearm! Just sank his teeth right in and hung on as tight as it could while Pa tried to shake him off, arm flailing wildly as he told the guests that 'that was how the dog played' and that 'it was fine'.

Yeah. Then came Kirby.

Kirby is famous in this household for one reason: Kirby could escape.

Kirby could get over a ten-foot fence with no problem. Mutti maintains that she jumped, but I think, well... I'll see if I can finds a picture to exlain, since it would seem crazy to say that the dog shimmied up the fence, so I'm not going to say that I never said that. 

So, I'm not sure whatever happened to Kirby. She's gone, though. Next came the dog that all adored, Coco.

Ok, technically, Coco came before everyone. My Dad owned her before he even met my mom, about, eh, almost twenty years ago.

Da abused Coco. He hurt her a lot of the time, and he always regretted it, but that dog loved him until the end of her days. She never tried to bite him during a beating, only tried to get away.

Coco died in March in 2006, I think. Our evil ex-cop neighbor shot her in the leg while we were gone and she was in the fenced backyard. Coco bled out, alone and wounded. She was alive when we got home, but Ma and Pa had to get three kids settled down and comfy in the house. Coco probably would've survived if they'd gotten right out, and I still feel guilty about that.

So, then there's Kelly, who was bought by us, stolen by the person who sold her tous and sold to another home and basically used as a source of nicome by an evil woman.

And now, it's the age of Doofus and Georgia. Doofus; a black-and-white Australian shepard who's about seven this year, and Georgia; a little black whatever-she-is who's at least as old or older than my doggeh.

Doofus, I got for my seventh birthday. She's had two litters of puppies, I think, and she's the sweetest girl ever. >~< Georgia is a shy little... zombie-dog. I don't know what she is. We're her fourth home, and her last, probably. She's sooo old. and creepy. I mean, this small dog is scary, man. It's weird.

Now, on the subject of-- FLYING ANIMAL DEATH WITH BURNING PUMPKINS the subject of my doggehs, we can tqalk about Doofy's puppies!

Her first litter: Six puppies, all gray and blue and pretty colors and stuff cus we got her specially bred for pretty doggies, and we kept one, Twisty. Twisty looked just like Doofy and had the same short tail and the white ruff around his neck, kind of in a twist, thus his name.

Anyway, her second litter was born of a male with some black lab, golden retriever, and I think some Bermese shepard or something in them, so they turned out all buff and shit. It was hilarious to watch them grow.

Now, For Steak Fries Stories!

This is a new mini-series that will have an episode at the end of each chapter, starting with this one.

Now, Steak Fries is the new chick the Ona-chan and I have. He's a cute little Rhodie from what we can tell, but he's a rescue chick so I'm not sure. Also, we don't know if it's a guy or a girl. If it's a girl, it's Corn Cob, if it's a guy, it's Steak Fries.

My mother hates the names. Which, on a funny note, something that happened tonight.

We play Animal Crossing a lot at my house, and on this one version, the characters give you a street name if they're your best buddy, right? So I'm Sugar L, ironically, and My mom is..... *drumroll* I don't remember. But she had a real hood name when we lived in a place known as 'NotGonnaTellYouVille'. Literally. I'm not kidding. o-o

So, because she was all nice and stuff, feeding the people with munchies and letting me bake for them, she earned the name 'Momma D'. She hates it so much, because it reminds her of the Divorce*DUN DUN DUUUUHHHH*.

So, anyway, I decided to call her that, and she said "If you don't stop, I'm going to hit you" Now, Mom never hits us, right? Maybe playfully, or something, but usually she's the kind of mom that, when she hears you're kinda getting bullied (story for another time, y'all.) she says as her first reaction, "Die, motherfuckers!"

In short, she's the boss mom that would ever hit you, right? So, I called her Momma D again to mess with her, and was kinda freaked when she actually punched my shoulder. That's my mom. Always keeping you guessing on what she'll do.

Anyway, back to Steak Fries.

So, we got this three-level cage for him, since we've never raised one chick at a time before, there's always been at least four, right? So, Fi and I get to keep it upstairs with us, and SHAZAM. We deck out the Bird's pad.

Now, it was originally just a wire cage with a purple plastic base, right?

It's not now.

Now, the first floor, the living room, has a carpet of newspaper for easy cleaning, an intricately painted China plate, a multi-colored doily I made hanging on the wall, his little jar-cap for water, and a little rooster statue for him to admire and focus on being one day.

Next, second floor. It's got a tiny picture of wheat and florwers and shit on the wall that I drew (awesomely) for him, a chopstick-turned-chicken-perch wrapped in the same string that I made the doily out of in the corner, a great cushy soft rug on the floor that Sorella made for him, brown on the most and this soft blue in the corner by the lightbulb, where he likes to curl up and sleep, and now a padded ramp up to the third floor.

The third floor is decked out as a little Nativity scene, with the little Mary and Jesus and Joseph and a couple of wise men. Now, Sorella has a billion (hyperbole) Nativity scenes with movable figures, so they don't all match, even. (did I mention the one wise man that they painted black, even though it doesn't match the other wise men, and she always has it looking in the doll windows or something like a tiny creeper?)

So, then I made a calligraphy sign to mark his name, right? I made it all fanceh and pretty so it says 'Steak Fries' House' with pretty stuff and shit.

Oh yes, I also made a tiny picture of a chicken house with a little tree and a fence for the wall in the living room.

The chicken's house is swag, bro.

Last, but not least,

YOU HAVE A FACE

ISN'T IT NEAT

WOULDN'T YOU THINK YOUR COLLECTION'S COMPLETE

YOU'VE GOT EYES EARS AND A NOSE

YOU'VE GOT

EVERYTHING

On that note, Olivia awesome-pants, signing off.