Lavender Monarch has Exactly Thirteen Fears

13. china doll

Half an hour later we're sitting on the chairs at the front of the hall again. June is watching me with concern. 

"I'm okay now," I say gently. He's still holding my hand. 

"What happened before?" he asks quietly. 

"I let my thoughts get the best of me is all. It doesn't matter."

"It does matter. I think you should talk to your parents about it." I shake my head. I'm not telling anyone about this. The only thing it'll achieve is people thinking I'm psychotic.  

"No."

"I know you don't want to, but you need to get some help, Lav." He looks at me softly as I can see how much he cares. "Do it for me?" he asks. I nod, tears welling up in my eyes again. 

"Ok." He smiles and hugs me again. I let out a breath. 

"Oh and I got these for you," he says. He passes me a bunch of roses and I smile a little. They're beautiful. I think everything might just be okay. 

"Thank you, June," I whisper. 

"I'm worried about you." He is looking into my eyes so intensely and he reaches up to brush a strand of my hair behind my ear. His touch is so light. "Lavender?" His voice is soft. I take a deep breath. 

"What the hell?" I hear a voice yell and I snap up. Patty is standing at the front of the hall looking at us. He obviously finished backstage and came out to see what was happening. "What is wrong with you Lavender? Is this why you 'just couldn't?'" His voice is full of venom and I feel a desperate need to suck the poison out.

It feels like my heart is a piñata that's just been ripped open. All of the feelings I was keeping bottled up spilling out and being snatched up in grubby hands desperate for some drama.

"Just couldn't what?" June says confused. Patty won't even look at him.

"Patty! It's nothing," I cry and jump up to follow him. I glance back at June while I jog down the hall. "Don't worry. Thank you for everything you said. I have to go...but I'll talk to you later."

"Lavender, wait!" he says looking perplexed. He picks up the flowers. But I just smile at him and keep walking away. I don't have the time or the energy to finish that conversation right now. "Uh, ok. I'll drop these at your house for you so your mum can put them in water." I hear him call but I've already disappeared backstage. I see Amelia there sweeping up the confetti that fell as we did our bows.

"Amelia!" I cry and she smiles at me.

"Hey, Lavender! How good was that show?"

"Yeah, great. Have you seen Patty?" I say it so fast I'm not even sure she understood.

"Patty? Yeah, he left already. Went out the back exit saying something about getting stuff ready at home for the after-party."

"Thanks!" I cry and start off in that direction.

"Lavender?" she calls. "My mum is here, we kind of need to leave now if you want her to drive us."

"Sorry, Amelia. Give me one sec." I rush off without giving her time to reply. I throw open the back door and look around the parking lot for Patty. I see his car already driving out onto the highway. Shit.

"Patty! Wait!" I cry but he's long gone. I shuffle back inside and find Amelia and her mum waiting for me. There is no way I'm in the state to socialise. I let them know I'll be going home with June and grab my stuff. I feel like crying all over again. I wish he hadn't have jumped to conclusions so quickly. It's too much on top of everything else that's happened today.