Lavender Monarch has Exactly Thirteen Fears

35. i never wanna leave.

We leave the motel soon after, it was too cold to stay in any longer. June, being prepared and actually knowing the plan passed me a towel to dry off and we snuck around the building to get dressed again before somehow making it back to the car without being caught. The thrill of sneaking around seemed to make the feeling of success all the more sweet.

I pull the list out of my pocket as we start to drive again and start crossing off what I feel I have officially gotten over. Black cats, evidently with Salty sitting on my lap. Deep water was just finished. I managed to not get freaked out by a clock in the waiting room of the therapist's office so I'd say that was a success. Cemeteries, we did earlier. Lastly, aliens get crossed off thanks to Patty's imagery, as much as I don't want to give him credit for it.

We still have seven to go. Fires, elevators, small spaces, crowds, germs, mirrors, heights. I've abandoned the love fear again, as per the original plan.

I'm glad June has finally given up on the blindfold idea so thirty minutes later, I see exactly when we make the turnoff.

"Where to now?" I ask.

"Ellery Mall." Of course, it's open twenty-four-seven.

"Good, cause I'm hungry," I say and put my feet up on the dashboard. We walk into the mall together and I walk over to the escalator to go up to the food court. I try to look straight ahead so June won't notice but it's futile anyway.

"We came here for the elevator," he says, pointing over to it. I mumble under my breath and trail after him. He opens the door and steps into the threshold so it will stay open, "After you."

I slowly walk over, shuffling my feet as little as I can. He doesn't even comment on it but just waits patiently. I eventually reach the doorway and look into the small metal cylinder. It sends shivers down my spine. 

"Two birds with one stone," he says. "Elevators and small spaces." 

I can already see it. The elevator clunking, tearing lines and plummeting, plummeting, plummeting. Or it stopping. Banging on cold metal walls, crying out until my voice is hoarse and sliding against the side in exhaustion. The space is so small. The walls pressing in on me. As it slowly, slowly, climbs up. Trapped. 

"I'll keep the door open," he tells me. 

I take a step and June takes my hand, coaxing me. I can do that. I can stand inside with the door open. Then, if anything happens I can run out in an instant and the space won't be small with a whole mall open on the other side.

I walk back until I'm pressed up against the back wall. I squeeze my eyes and imagine I'm on a rocket ship zooming through outer-space. The cosmos whips around me and the stars shine endlessly. 

"Close it," I whisper out softly. I hear June's footsteps come towards and then the solid clunk indicating the doors are closed. I hear a soft whirring. It plays out in my mind again and again. Falling. Plummeting. An automated voice fills the space. 

"Level Three"

I open my eyes and see the doors slide open. June walks out. 

"You coming?" 

I walk forward and step out of the elevator to see the doors closing again. The red numbers above it flash as it goes upwards. It's already over. I can't believe how fast it was. So much panic for nothing. For three seconds. I turn to face June with a massive grin. 

"I just rode an elevator!" I cry. 

"You did," he laughs. I see a woman near him look over at me with a strange expression and only then do I realise how odd I must look. A seventeen year-old-girl being so ecstatic about riding an elevator. Gee Whiz.