Lavender Monarch has Exactly Thirteen Fears

02. kumquats and bug nets

As soon as I walk downstairs the next morning, I smell the strangest scent wafting up from the kitchen. When I turn the corner, I see it's not related to one of my mother's cooking trials for once but instead my dad's obsession.

"Good morning, angel!" he says with a smile as I wander down groggily. He's wearing khaki shorts and a Hawaiian shirt that makes him look like some kind of tacky tourist.

"What on earth is that smell?" I ask. He is stirring his pot on the stove and humming away happily.

"It's a new tea I'm brewing. Kumquat and peppermint with a touch of blackberry," It sounds disgusting but certainly accounts for the thick citrus smell in the air. I much prefer my normal black tea, thank you.

"But why?" I ask incredulously as I put the kettle on to boil.

"The blackberry is a natural antioxidant and the kumquat provides flavour and vitamins."

"And the mint?" I ask.

"Ah, that was just so I don't have to brush my teeth in the morning," I give him the most disgusted look I can muster up. "Kidding!" he cries reaching over to mess up my hair.

My parents are such oddballs. It's a wonder I've turned out somewhat okay. I can bet they probably tried feeding me some weird stuff as a kid based off an obscure article they read online about supposed health benefits.

"Whatever," I say pouring my tea and heading back upstairs. I have some homework to do before school tomorrow. Just as I get started with it, I get a text from June asking if he can come over. I'm surprised he'd want to after such an agonizing conversation with my parents last night.

Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time with him. We've been inseparable since we met and we hang out pretty much on a daily basis. It's not like I ever get bored or we run out of things to chat about but I just feel like maybe I should...branch out.

It's only really him and my other friend Jade that I hang out with. I just wonder if most seventeen-year-olds only have two friends, sometimes it feels like everyone knows everyone and I'm just sitting on the outside watching them all.

I should probably talk more, but observing is so much easier.

When I just observe things, I can make up storylines in my head about whatever I want. The lady at the supermarket can actually be a trapeze artist in a travelling circus instead of a sleep-deprived mum who's sick of tying up the shoelaces of toddlers.

The man standing in front of me in the line for coffee isn't simply an intern at some office on a lunch break, but a tortured artist who's too afraid to pursue his real passion.

They can all have crazy interesting lives that make my imagination run rampant and then I can stay where it's safe and comfortable and not have to do anything that's scary.

And I find a lot of things scary.

I think what a lot of people don't realise is just how debilitating only thirteen fears can be. I can't cook anything on the stove and I haven't had any birthday candles on my cake since I was nine because I'm afraid of fire.

I don't wear any make-up and I never learnt how to braid my hair because I'm afraid of mirrors. This also means I avoid looking in any reflective surfaces like my spoon when I eat my cereal and I don't know how to drive because driving requires looking in a rearview mirror. And that's not even scraping the surface.

June texts me to let me know he's outside so I head back down to let him in. I grab his hand and drag him upstairs with me. Last night, he agreed that he would help me overcome each and every one of my fears. There is no way I'd ever be able to do it without him.