Lavender Monarch has Exactly Thirteen Fears

14. mermaids and microwaves

It's raining again. It has been for the past four days. At this rate, the town is going to be fully underwater and home to schools of fish in a week. I guess I wouldn't be so mad. Maybe I could join a group of mermaids and swim away from all the confusion in my own life? I think it could be kind of fun, eating seaweed and drowning pirates in my spare time.

The roses June got for me are still sitting in their water on my bedside table. They are starting to wilt, the petals dropping off onto my carpet and making a mess so I chuck them in the bin and rinse the vase out before putting it away.

Patty wasn't at school today. He hasn't been at all this week.

Since it's been cold and wet, June and I haven't done much work on the treehouse. It probably would've been a better project to do over summer but it's too late for that anyhow. June has been talking about it every day. I didn't expect him to be so into this project.

He's lying on the floor of my room, sketching as per usual. I peer over his shoulder and see he's drawing a design for the treehouse. I can't help myself, so I reach over and grab the book out of his hands.

"Hey!" He says, "I wasn't finished." I look at his drawing, it's really good. I smile when I see he's drawn a monkey swinging on the rope swing.

"This is so cute," I say as he reaches for the book but I hold it out of his grasp and flip to the next page.

"Don't do that. Give it back," He says jokingly but I can hear a sense of panic in his voice.

"Don't worry," I say, "It's not like I'm going to rip any pages out." He is so precious. This next design is even better. He's coloured it in and drawn his little brothers playing on it.

"Lavender," His voice is harsh all of a sudden and he lunges for the book again, "Give it back." I didn't realise he was actually annoyed.

"Jeez, okay. I was just complimenting your drawings." I flip to one more page and I stop. 

This must've have been why he didn't want me flicking through so badly. It's another drawing of the treehouse, with him and I in it. But... he drew us kissing. He snatches the book from my hands and slams it shut. His face is flushed.

"I told you to give it back." His voice is rough. He grabs his bag off my floor and walks out without looking back. I immediately feel guilty. I just wanted to look at his designs. I didn't know that would be in there but now I feel like I really invaded his privacy.

And plus what does it even mean? I feel confused and queasy all over again.

I make a promise to myself to never bring up the drawings with June. I'll just pretend it didn't happen and treat him exactly the same. I send him a quick apology text before wiping the memory from my mind.

'sorry about what happened. '

'It's okay. Just please don't take my stuff without asking.'

'Yeah. I know. That was rude.'

'Thanks for at least owning up to it. See u tmrw.'

I feel so bad about it that I don't even tell Jade.

I hear a knock on my door, "Hey sweetie, we're dropping Mackenzie off at a party and your father and I will be going out for a couple of hours. Are you gonna be okay on your own for a while?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Okay well, have a good night then. We'll be home around eleven." She shuts my door and I look out the window until I see their car driving away.

I like being at home alone. Everything is just so peaceful and quiet. I pull a Tupperware container out of my fridge and heat it up in the microwave. It spins around and around. It kinda reminds me of myself in an odd way.