I Need To Change

Chapter 80

I could feel that my life was about to come to a drastic new chapter. That my life was about to change in a way I could only imagine. I could feel these new beginnings coming and I honestly didn't know how to feel about that. I didn't know how to feel about that because I didn't know what those new beginnings held. I didn't know what to expect. So that is what had me at the edge of my seat. That is what had me hesitant about my future.

As always, time was moving on and I was trying my hardest to go with the flow. I was trying my hardest to fight against my demons and move forward. I was taking small steps, but I was definitely moving forward.

The first step I took for a change in my life and is finding me a new place. A new home. I had found me a place out in LA. It was really nice, in a great private neighborhood and amazing for my first home. Nothing too lavish, but definitely not basic at all. When I told my mom about me getting my own place she was so surprised and found it to be so sudden. It lowkey was. I never expected me to just up and have my own place one day but I did. I had to. I needed a new start and I needed space for myself. A place where I can get away from the world if I wanted to. I knew this move was going to be everything I needed.

Plus, I honestly had no choice. I needed a better positive space for myself. After that whole incident with Gabby and Prince, I just felt it was best for me to leave that house. That house was just full of drama and negativity and I was so over it. So, the day of that incident Gabby and I both left. She went back home and I went with her to stay with her for a few days. I ended up finding me a house fast and I was glad about that because I was ready to get the hell away from that Conjunction house. There was nothing left for me at that house. The guys were still on tour so I felt it was best I moved while they were gone. I didn't even want to see them anymore to be honest. So, I was packing my things up and moving into my new house this day.

I stood in my new home, watching as the guys installed my brand new TVs in the house. I was honestly so excited about my house. I was ready to start decorating and making this my space. I was ready to set vibes and my place and be surrounded by nothing but positive energy. I was more than ready for that.

For some reason, standing in my home had me thinking on life. Had me thinking on my life, my career, my girls, the guys, just everything. I just took some time to reminisce and think about how things have changed in just a matter of years. Changed in ways I never in my life expected it to.

My career. With no doubt in my mind I was happy with my career. I was happy with how far I had came. I've accomplished things I've only dreamed of accomplishing. I've done things that people swear I could never do. I made a name for myself like I've always wanted to. My career was flourishing and in my heart I just knew it would continue to flourish.

My girls. Lord knows I love them with my whole heart, but things honestly didn't feel the same between us anymore. Our relationships didn't feel the same, the love we had for each other didn't feel the same. Nothing was the same. I didn't know if this was because they all were in relationships or if the problems we had each faced in life had came in between our sister hood. We somehow all drifted apart and I didn't know how to feel about that. I didn't know what to do. My girls and I have been close are whole lives. So to see us being like this is shocking. I've gotten to a point where I don't need them to be apart of my day to day and that's so crazy.

My life. I was at a point in my life where I didn't know where it would go. I didn't know what was to come, I didn't know what to expect and I didn't know how to feel. I felt like I was stuck. Stuck in a hole and not knowing how to get out. Stuck trying to figure out who I am and what I'm supposed to be doing. My life had seemed to have me clueless some days and I was lost as to what I was supposed to be doing and I was looking to anywhere for help. For guidance. I was just at a point where nothing made any sense. Nothing at all.