when i'm gone

billie eilish

i bit my nails anxiously, unsure where to turn to. i had never been some place so big, so crowded, so confusing. i swallowed hard, the knott in my stomach clenching, causing my palms to sweat and my eyelids to flutter. the back of my throat burned because i needed to cry. i was only able to let a few tears slip out of the corners of my eyes before a little girl a bit taller than me tapped me on the shoulder. "are you, uhm, ok?" she scratched her stomach, leaning forward to see my red, tear stained face.

"i'm fine..." i muttered, wiping my cheeks. "you're crying," she wiped a tear for me when i uncovered my face to fully get a view of her. she had short blonde hair, vivid blue eyes, small freckles, an ice cream dampened shirt. i felt a kind of warmness toward her. the knott in my stomach untied a bit. "you've never been here before, huh?" she giggled. i shook my head, looking at my shoes. "i can help you." she took my hand. hers was as soft as a feather, her fingers gripping my palm. "follow me. my mom can help you!" she dragged me over to a hotdog stand. "what's your name?" she asked me as we dodged people in crowds.

"i'm willow celeste," i offered my first smile to her. "i'm billie eilish! we both have a double name. but just call me billie. my brother calls me pirate a lot. i dunno why, but i don't mind it." i chuckled. i really liked this girl for some reason. we stopped in front of a woman with dark ginger hair and a pointed nose. "billie, who's this?" she finished chewing a bite of her corn dog that smelled delicious. "this is my new friend willow celeste, but she's lost and can't find her family. can we help her, mom?" the woman's eyes widened. "of course, oh you poor thing. you know, billie, your dad knows this place better than i do. he's been a bunch. why don't we wait until him and your brother get back from getting popcorn and then we will go look." i nodded. these people are so simple and so nice.

"well, this your first time?" billie looked at me curiously. i know she was only trying to make me feel better. "ya, it's so big," i exhaled. that's why i'm in this mess. "it really is. i've been only a few times. i live really close, so it's cool." she smiled with her big red lips. after a moment of silence, i heard a mans voice from behind us. "maggie, everything ok?" he was a tall man with a curly mustache and furrowed gray eyebrows. next to him was... i started in awe. my heart pounded. my skin crept with goosebumps. i clenched my fists closed tight. i never realized this moment would change my life forever.

a skinny, tall boy with shaggy red hair picked off pieces of his blue cotton candy stood next to billies dad. my voice caught in my throat. he had piercing blue eyes and a slim jawline. his cheeks and nose were dotted with freckles. "patrick, billie found this poor girl lost by the statue. she says she was eating in one of the restaurants down main street, but can't remember which one or which side she came from." i couldnt take my eyes off the boy. when he looked up, our eyes met and i felt a sting in my chest like lightning had struck me and woke me up for the first time. he smiled at me, his lips red like billies.

billie poked my stomach. "are you ok?" she waved her hand in front of my eyes. i nodded, "ya, i just wanna see my family," i lied. i wanted to stare more at this boy. "uhm, who's that?" i asked billie as i pointed at the boy. "that's my brother, finneas. he's so annoying." i didn't reply. "come with me. we will find your parents in a heart beat." patrick started heading back down mainstreet. billie grabbed my hand once again and smiled. i liked holding her hand. i had forgotten momentarily about finneas when i had begun wondering whether my family was worried or not. when we walked for a minute or so, i saw my mommy in a panic looking frantic and asking people questions i couldn't hear.

"mommy!" i howled and ran into her arms. she hugged me tight. "where did you go? oh, i was so worried." i felt like crying. the knott in my stomach tightened and made me feel nauseous. she stroked my hair on the back of my head. mommy let me go and looked over at billie's family. "hi, i'm maggie and this is patrick." she placed her hand on her husband. "my daughter billie found willow and brought her to us because she was scared and said she couldn't find you." my mom shook maggie's hand. "thank you for looking after her. willow has an... imagination and sometimes likes to wander." i found that somewhat offensive. i didn't have an imagination i only saw things no one else wanted to see like how mommy and dad's marriage was falling apart.

"i'm billie!" billie smiled at my mommy shyly. "well hello, young lady." "i'm finneas." my mom and him shook hands. i stared at my feet hoping that i wouldn't show how much i was blushing. "well, we'd better get going, will. your siblings are anxious to know where you are," mommy tapped my shoulder. i sighed. i didn't want to leave this family. "but they can wait..." i sighed. "no, no, come on now." i looked at billie sadly. "i'm glad i met you." billie wrapped her arms around me. "i am, too. hopefully i see you again." we said our sad goodbyes and we turned to walk our separate ways. mommy held my hand and led me back into the restaurant. "willow, you don't ever make friends that easily. you really liked her, huh?" mommy squeezed my hand. i nodded, "i felt drawn to billie, but whatever."