when i'm gone

no...

there was a loud bang, an ear splitting shriek. i blinked for once second and then billie was on the ground. i was frozen. wait, what just happened? i heard people screaming and a couple more shots. i saw everyone try to push their way out and to the exits. i returned my gaze to billie laying on the ground awkwardly. it was like everything was in slow motion.

i realized something. she had been shot. i inhaled shakily and howled, "billie!" i ran as fast as i could, but i felt like i couldn't make it to her fast enough. finneas ran up behind me and so had andrew. maggie followed and dozens of security guards. i crouched beside her and felt something wet seep through my jeans. i looked down and i realized i was sitting in a pool of blood. billie's shirt was stained red and there was a hole in her shirt right above her left rib. i picked up her head and saw her eyes looked distant. they were still open. "oh my god!" i sobbed. everyone was screaming and there was so much going on. i couldn't hear any of it. my ears blurred out any noise.

what was happening? this is a bad dream. billie was limp and her head wobbled back and forth whenever i tried to get it stiff. patrick shooed me away and so did a few of the guards. i couldn't get to her. "let me through!" i screeched. someone heavy shoved me back and i fell off the edge of the stage. i thumped hard on the concrete feeling pain spread through my right side. i moaned painfully, all of the air out of my lungs. twyla, cc, and unidentifiable people picked me up. i shut my eyes tight with pain. i struggled my way out of their grip and raced back over to the stage. i dragged myself up, even though everything inside my body hurt. fans still tried to file out, police men rushing them out as fast as they could.

"billie!" i sobbed, shoving past police men. numerous people were on the line to 911. i slipped on the blood that surrounded everyone and landed hard on my elbow. i gasped in pain. what is happening? i asked myself again. i went numb when i caught a glimpse of billie from the ground between peoples legs. she was staring directly at me while her head was being held up by maggie. i thought, for a second, she was ok, that she was gonna mouth something to me, but then maggie shifted her head slightly and she stared lifelessly up at the ceiling.

this wasn't happening. it couldn't be happening. i got up and threw an officer down with all the strength i had left. twyla and cc screamed, "let her pass!" they made some room for me, not much. they closed in behind me. when i saw billie fully for the first time from an angle above, i was struck by another wave of shock. blood trickled from billie's nose and the corner of her mouth and ran down her neck. all of her stunning white teeth and gorgeous full, pink lips were stained red with the sticky fluid. i collapsed onto my knees. i picked up her cold hand and yelled, "wake up! wake up!" i couldn't hear anyone trying to comfort me.