when i'm gone

waiting for you

i decided not to go to therapy at all today. i was sitting in my bedroom against the wall, wiping my wet face. i wanted to cry more, so bad, but nothing was coming out. there was nothing left to cry and i hated it. suddenly, my phone rang. i looked down and saw billies photo and her name buzzing in my screen. i gasped and picked it up as quickly as possible. "billie? hello?" "hi my love." her voice was scratchy and exhausted. "you sound horrible, you're too tired from all those concerts," i scrunched my eyebrows. "you sound like you've been crying. are you ok?" i cleared my throat. "i am. i promise." billie groaned, "i hate when you lie to me." she sounded genuinely disappointed in me. if only she could know the truth.

"i- i'll tell you when i see you. in person. how was the concert? you just had one, right? i'm guessing it's late there." billie yawned on the phone, "it's super late, like, 12. it was fine, but my ankle hurts hella bad. i can survive it, though." "billie you're such an idiot, you need to be careful on stage!" i laughed. billie laughed, too. i teared up again. i had missed that laugh so much and i let tears fall once again because of the pain of being away from her. "what's wrong?" she must have heard my breath quiver. "i don't know billie i just want you home!" billie was silent, but i heard her swallow hard the handful of tears in the back of her throat. "i know. i will be home soon. then i can kiss you as much as i want and as long as i can until we have to separate which i hope is never. imagine that, ok? that's not too far away."

i was no longer sad. "yes, i'm imagining everything! i'm better now. thank you for that." billie blew a kiss through the phone and i secretly caught it and pressed it close to my heart. "hey... i really think it's time your parents knew," i suggested confidently. "i told them a few nights ago, actually. they totally supported the fact we were dating. they actually said they knew, which scares me! like were we that fucking loud when i was fucking you?" i cackled like a hyena. "we probably were!" "anyway, love. i'll be home in like, 2 weeks. i changed a few dates and now i have 3 concerts near home! one in san fran, and two in la. it's gonna be the shit dude." "thank god! i'm so proud. i'm so excited!"

"i should get to bed..." billie yawned again. it had been an hour on the phone and it was now morning for her. "sleep well my baby. i'll see you soon. call me again if you can and don't forget to take care of that ankle." she didn't respond. i could hear her small snores. i smiled softly. even though it was like, 12 pm here, i laid down on my bed and fell asleep to her breath in the speaker.