when i'm gone

thinking alike

billie was shaking me awake. "willow, are you ok?" she held my sweaty palm in hers. "wh- huh, what time is it?" i moaned, sitting up and touching my sweaty forehead. "it's 5 am... but you were like, crying and yelling and shit," billie was looking at me wide eyed in the dark. i could see her worried figure if i squinted. "ya, i'm fine. just a bad dream." billie sighed, "tell me about them...". we laid back down and she wrapped her arm over my body to comfort me. we were happily spooning. "thanks for wondering," i whispered. "heh, of course baby doll. i love you so much." my chest warmed up. "i love you most."

i was still awake when i heard billie's soft snoring begin. enjoy it, willow, i told myself. i snuggled in closer to the divot in her stomach, my butt feeling her stomach rise and fall. a few strands of hair drifted into my face as she breathed out. i shifted around to get more comfortable. luckily, she didn't wake up. i was face to face with her now and i entwined my body with hers. i placed our noses together and stared at her for a little bit. so gorgeous. i kissed her on her sleepy lips then settled my head again and closed my eyes.

i woke up what felt two minutes later to twitching beside me. i checked my phone and saw it was 6 am. billie was having a nightmare. what is it with us tonight? maybe maggie sprinkled something in our food to make us dream about something bad. i sat up and billie looked as if she were running in place. i went to poke her side when she shot up and panted. "woah, billie, you're ok, i'm here! you're in your room," i turned her head to look at me. she looked very scared. "phew, ok, good," she fell back and finally caught her breath. "do you mind telling me what you're having nightmares about?" i rubbed her cheek sweetly as we stared at each other in bed.

billie looked hesitant. "it's too much, bro," she grumbled groggily, "you don't wanna fuckin know..." i swallowed a lump in my throat. my stomach tightened and clenched. what's going on in her head? i wanted to know more than anything. "i do. please." "i'm just- i just don't wanna lose anyone. i don't want them to lose me, either..." she exhaled. what does that mean? "what does that mean?" i said out loud what i had asked myself in my head. "it means... i'm tired. go back to sleep." billie dragged her hand over my face and flipped over. hmph. fine. maybe she was dreaming about getting lost or something silly. or what if she was getting shot again?

i had to stop worrying. i fell back asleep. and then i was awakened again. it was about 9am and through the curtains i could see a crow balancing on the edge of a branch and i could hear billie talking on the phone. i think she thought i was still asleep. i listened closely and watched her with one eye open as she looked through her closet for clothes for tonight. "we're fine. willow is so awesome." i resisted a smile. "you are most definitely coming tonight whether you want to or not! ok fine... i'll fly you out
to new york." it must've been zoe or drew, i figured, billie's bestest friends. "bitch, i'm 17, i ain't proposing yet! gotta be at least 19," billie teases. the thought of billie getting down on one knee made me queasy. "the fuck you saying, i have an awesome sex life." billie snickered.

billie's conversation lasted about 15 minutes longer. they stopped talking about me, talked a little about driving and billie's beloved matte black dodge challenger, and when they would see each other next. i stood up and stretched. billie plugged in her phone to charge and grinned at me, "morning mamas!" she walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me. she hugged me very tight. "someone's feeling better," i giggled. "i am, actually! i love youuuuu," billie pulled away, looking up at me. our height made me laugh. hi was about 5'8 and she was only 5'4. "heh, i love you, too bils. excited for tonight?" i asked her sweetly. "thrilled. but enough about tonight. why don't we go somewhere you want to?"