PINOE'S BLUE SKY

CHAP 1: SKYLAR THE CASHIER

I just got back from France after the FIFA about 10 hours ago. Mix of emotions were running through my heart and brain right now. I was proud of myself and my team, was happy because of the fact that we women have made it this far and this great, however there was a part of my heart that wass empty, and I didn't even know why. I obviously just won something unbelievably unreachable, and had accomplished something that I could only dream of, but why was I still feeling like a piece of my heart stolen?

I know what you are thinking right now when I said that. You saw the fact that I was celebrated but was also badmouthed at the same time, right? Some said I don't deserve my cups, some said I'm the disgrace to the country, which I don't care that much about, since I have never paid much attention to the negative side of the society. So the answer is no, I wasn't sad about any of that, which made me still not know why there was a big ass hole in my supposed to be happy heart.

But whatever, I don't care cos I've felt this way since the day she left. It's been 4 years and I still couldn't get over it, get over her, get over that fact that I caught her having sex with a man in our bed before I went to the biggest stage of the world. I was so nervous and empty after the last practice at home, so I went home to snuggle into her comfortable arms and be showered in her loving kisses. But instead of being rewarded for such a hardworking day, I caught a naked male body sitting on the woman that I loved more than my fucking self.

I still can't figure it out what I've done so wrong that God decided to do that to me, and why did it have to be a man that she cheated with? And why was it our room but not somewhere else?

I had so many questions I wanted an answer for, however I decided to shut my mouth, send her away for good and never really mentioned about that incident ever again. I heartbrokenly didn't wanna talk about it because it made me feel like I'm the most defeated loser in all the losers, and I just couldn't bear that feeling for myself, since I always had my pride and my head pretty high under any circumstances.

She dated men before me, and it's not like I didn't know. So, I still don't understand why I allowed my extremely careful and cautious self to date her, fall for her, and love her with all my heart. However, my stupid pride is ridiculous enough to convince myself every day that "she is gay", she just didn't love me anymore so she thought she missed dicks, but it's really not, she was just confused about the fact that she lost feelings for me.

I know, I'm pathetic. But what can I do when that pathetic way is the only painkiller to my heart every time I thought of her. And I gotta tell ya, I could never stop thinking about her unless when I buried my head in practice.

Anyway. Her name is Monica Rangers and I still loved her. What a joke, huh?

Imagine how fucking stupid I must be from 1 to 1000 to still keep that woman's image in my heart that long and had not let any other women enter my life for more than 4 years already.

I sniffled my nose after could feel it running.

Goddammit I cried again!

Every time I thought of her, my tears shredded and flowed. I honestly didn't know what's wrong with me.

In my entire life, I have never cheated under any circumstances, for whether it's a relationship or a game or a school test. I hate cheaters enough to state they're my ultimate enemies, however, why did I still love a cheater like her that much that it tore my heart apart whenever I missed her?

A sudden flash from a camera pulled me out of my own thoughts. I turned over to see what was happening and saw a few paps on the other side of the street who couldn't stop flashing at me with a big camera in their hands.