PINOE'S BLUE SKY

CHAP 15: HATE THE WAY SHE LOVES

We were sitting in a corner of a coffee shop nearby. We said nothing. I only stared at her with so many questions in my mind but didn't know how to put in words.

About Skylar, she kept her head low and couldn't stop playing with the straw and the avocado smoothie in her cup.

I was totally awakened up the second a big explosive sound invaded my ears and shot straight through my brain, so my mind was completely clear and sober now.

-          Did I scare you? – I could finally put at least something into proper words.

Skylar still committed to keeping her head down and playing with that stupid smoothie, however she shook her head determinedly.

-          Do you think you can handle me and my random PTSD ass?

I smirked, was pretty confident that she could. I mean she just said she loved me earlier when we were in the restaurant, so her mind couldn't be changed that fast.

Skylar said nothing, which I interpreted to myself as she admitted in silence that she could.

There was only one question that desperately I wanted to ask the second I saw her again. My heart was going to explode, I thought. My eyes became so stingy that I had to intentionally blink them several of times to fade the sting away.

-          How are you? – I asked.

Skylar also responded nothing this time, however something different was unintentionally shown. I saw her throat just swallow roughly. It might be her tears that she swallowed, might be her suffering or just how much she wanted to jump over the table to hug me right now.

-          Can you believe that I still sit here with you after three months we haven't seen each other?

I wiped the tears, then smiled to the angel of my life.

It was painful to flashback on days when I had to live a life without her. It was even worse than hell, I would rather live in hell, suffered all kinds of torture, than living a life without her.

She didn't answer me this time as well, which is totally fine, because that wasn't really a question either.

-          I nearly died, Skylar. Without you, it felt like shit.

I choked up once again. Bit my bottom lip as hard as I could to fight back the tears.

-          But you didn't die.

She finally said something back, however was not looking at me, and tried to not burst out in tears but only let them delicately flow down on her flawless face.

-          What if I really died, Skylar? What should I do? What should you do? What should we do?

What if I really gave up on looking for her and went die in a corner of somewhere in my hometown? What if Megan Rapinoe really disappeared like she had never existed? Because there were a lot of time I thought about the idea of it and wanted to give it a go, which was so fucking scary. And when I said "a lot", I mean "the whole fucking time when Skylar Blue acted like she wasn't a part of my life anymore."

Once again, she didn't respond, which wasn't so unexpected.

-          You're going to forget me and move on with your life right?

Without a proper warning, she tossed her straw that was covered by avocado smoothie directly towards me. The green condense liquid was everywhere: on the table surface, on my clothes, on my face, and I think there were some in my eyes and nose too. Lastly the straw ended up landing on my lap.