PINOE'S BLUE SKY

CHAP 13: DESTRUCTIBLE ME

3 months, 1 week, 6 days without Skylar Blue

It's surprising to most of people that I was still alive.

I took another look at a chain of Skylar's jersey that I had just built a separate cupboard to keep, got one of them off and inhaled a good amount of fresh smell from it. It was satisfying so I smiled to myself, closed the cupboard and left the room.

Yes, I had come back home, the home that Skylar used to share with me.

I have said before that I was so scared to come back because of the memories, however, I was afraid to let it go because of those memories too. This house was the only thing that I had with her, so I didn't have the heart to move on from it, but learnt to deal with the overwhelmingness every time I thought of her instead.

I had done very well actually, with the help of 22 of my bestfriends. I'd come to a psychiatrist that Sam Mewis introduced to me so I could learn how to cope with situations like this. Those therapies were effective so I guessed I was partially cured. And by being cured, I don't mean the entire me had come back to my soul, because it's no joke that I'd lost it forever and I accepted that fact. When Skylar walked away, she took that part of me with her too, so it's no doubts that I would never be fully recovered. But I'd rather choose to heal parts of me, than leave them all die in sorrow.

- Hey, are you ready?

Ash asked me while closing the main door behind her. She and Ali have the key to my house, so it's not surprising if you see her casually walks in my door or cooks in my kitchen.

- Yeh. Where's Ali?

I asked, while straightening my blazer and pants with my palms.

- She's waiting for us in the car. Let's go.

I nodded, took a glimpse at a big portrait of Sky and me across the living room and couldn't help but smiled.

Ashlyn sighed as she caught me still burying myself in the painful but so beautiful past. She approached me, threw her arm over my shoulders and dragged me to the door.

I once tried to put all her things out of my sight, unhung pictures that we had together off the wall, and hid all of our photos that I stored on my phone and laptop (because I wasn't brave enough to completely delete everything and thank God for that.) I tried and it drove me out of my mind. My mentality preferred to rather keep everything the same and learn to cope, than turn my life into a completely new page.

There was one night, Ashlyn slept over at my house because both of her and Ali didn't feel good leaving me alone after my first therapy. That night before we went to sleep, I had the most determination that I'd ever had in my life and asked Ashlyn to put everything that relates to her in secret spots that I wouldn't know and wouldn't be able to find out. So as a wonderful friend Ashlyn Harris is, she accepted my favor and helped me hide stuff away while I was having a shower in my room.

You all can guess the result.

I completely turned into a monster when I acknowledged that pictures on the wall were gone, set of knives that Sky usually used to cut the food disappeared, her notes and recipes spread on the refrigerator's door all evaporated, her wardrobe was empty, her passport in our paperwork cupboard disappeared too, all the jerseys that I'd built a separate wardrobe for were also gone. Everything about her evaporated with the help of Ashlyn. That happened as I asked Ash to, however it gave me an incredible elevation in mood. I became so scary and violent, which I had never been before. It seemed like I had bipolar or another personality. I nearly killed my bestfriend by pushing her into the corner of the table, but fortunately she dodged it well and was ok.