I Am The Last Nightblood (the 100)

Bring The Pain

  When I wake, the first thing I am aware of is the throbbing pain at the back of my neck. A sharp sting erupts from the area and I hiss in  slight agitation, feeling my skin being threaded back together and closed.

I groggily open my eyes and see that I sit on the throne, the ambassadors gone. I feel hands probe around my neck, and a strong smell of alcohol flows through the air. I resist the urge to groan as I feel the substance being applied to the fresh wound.

When the probing stops I sigh and roll my neck.

"Verena?" Clarke asks. I look up and into the direction of her voice, to find her sitting on the stairs that lead to the second floor of the room.

She gets up and hurries over to me, kneeling on the floor and she cups my face in her hands, her eyes flickering back and forth as she examines me, worried. "Are you ok? She asks.

"I'm fine." I reply groggily. My head is pounding.

"I got so scared when you didn't wake up." Clarke admits. "Gaia said every commander reacts to the flame differently but-"

"How long was I out?" I ask Clarke.

"A good hour or two." Clarke brushes my hair out of my face. "I told them to take it out but they said that if I did it could erase your memory because the flame was bonding with your mind." Clarke rushes.

"Hey it's ok, I'm awake now." I hush Clarke.

She nods and then speaks again, hesitating.

"I have to go back, to Arakida. Somethings happening, Murphy came here and he was freaked out, something about people losing their minds-" I cut her off.

"It's ok Clarke you can go, I will be fine here. Go save your people." I rest my hand on her shoulder.

"Mochof, Heda (Thank you, Commander)"

"You're welcome, ambassador." I smile. "Take a horse and if you want a guard with you."

She nods and gives me a small smile before she walks urgently out of the room. I relax, now alone.

I examine the throne room with new feeling, new appreciation.

Am I supposed to feel different? I ask myself. Nothing really feels different I just feel more aware.

I sigh and then slouch in the chair. My mind wanders, and then I find myself thinking about her.

I miss her, my miss my sister. The one who taught me to fight, the one I always looked up to. The fierce leader everyone else saw her as, I got to see her as the loving sister that helped raise me.

I sigh and try to stop the flow of tears building at my eyes.

♾

About a half hour later I end up back in her room. Technically it's my room now, but I still keep her stuff here. Clarke's stuff that was scattered around the room is now gone, and instead of finding comfort, all I find are ghosts and emptiness. So I head out, down the hallway and down the elevator. I walk out into the bright sunlight and I'm immediately greeted by children and people. I smile and greet them back, as I walk towards the squarish building with stone pillars that reads bank on the top of the structure. It's not that far of a walk but it does put some strain on my legs as the landscape declines downhill. I descend down the stairs along the side of the building and find two doors.

I knock five times, a pattern, and wait. I hear shuffling inside and I hear Gaia call out.

"I will be there in a second."

I wait patiently, and then the doors open, Gaia peaking out. Her face turns from annoyance to surprise when she sees me.

"Heda," she bows. "Come in." She opens the door and holds it, inviting me inside.

I walk in and the smell of candles and burning are welcomed into my attention. I look around the room that I've only seen twice, examining the drawings and art on the walls, the symbol of the flame everywhere. In the far back of the room I see the drop ship Becca Pramheda used when she came down to earth. I hear the creak of the doors and I hear light footsteps behind me and she walks in front of me, her hands clasped together.

"What can I do for you, Heda?" Gaia asks.

"I want to learn more, more about what it means to be Heda." I pause and begin again. "Lexa told me that she could speak to the commanders and that they also spoke to her, and I would like you to teach me how to do that." I admit.

Gaia nods and motions for me to sit down on the floor with her.

I nod and sit on a cushion in the middle of the floor, and she sits across from me, a lit candle between us.

"What your sister told you is true, the commanders can indeed speak to you but not just as openly as I am speaking to you right now. It's not that easy." Gaia begins. I nod, listening.

"The commanders may speak to you in your dreams, through memories-you may see their deaths for instance, or they might show you something like a choice they made in a hard situation. They show you things that are supposed to help guide and lead you through wars and tough choices, or at least that's what I've been taught.

"Some commanders prefer to speak through words, others prefer to speak through memories, and some do a mixture of both.
They can only speak to you in your dreams, unless you ask them yourself."

"How do you do that?" I ask, slightly shocked. I didn't know you could ask them yourself, Lexa never mentioned anything like that.

"You can offer them your mind and ask them for help. You say 'mens mea fiat mens tua'"

"My mind is your mind," I translate. She nods.

"It was recorded only twice; what has happened when the commander summoned the spirits asking for help. One of the spirits responded with a memory, and the other pieced together parts of the commander's own memory. Both was in times of need, when they needed help, so there is no telling what will happen if you connect your minds when your not in need or looking for an answer, or who will answer."

I take this in and then I remember something.

"Is it possible to have a vision or memory before you ascend?" I ask, thinking of Becca burning in the fire.

"It is possible, but very rare." Gaia confirms.

"I saw Becca Pramheda being burned alive, the day Lexa was shot." I tell Gaia.

Gaia processes this in silence.

"She May have known something was gonna happen and was trying to warn you that the commander would die that day." Gaia suggests.

"Gaia, being the Flamekeeper, I would like you to stay in the Tower with me, to teach me and be by my side, almost like my second. You will have your own room, and another room for worship." I offer. She looks shocked but grateful.

"I would appreciate that, mochof Heda." She thanks me.

"Of course." I smile and hold my arm out to her. She grasps my forearm tightly and I do the same, smiling slightly doing so.