Chapter Thirty-Seven

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Cold Breath

She wore a thick blue sweater historiated in odd floral prints and beige squares, over a white buttoned-down shirt armed around her neck by the elegant appeal of her golden four clover necklace. Her brown eyes watched my anxious figure fidget multiple times, from behind the pictures her thick lens offered as she wore an understanding smile that somehow made me want to cringe.

She had floral prints everywhere if it wasn't squared, from vases to rugs, to the cheap paintings she had hung on her walls. She had a big comfortable yellow sofa for her patients, while she sat on a black office chair with four wheels that didn't look that comfortable as she wanted to take a look. But None of that nonsense meant anything to me. I could care less of what she wore and how her smile looked like or how it made me feel when My life was endangered by something, not of this world, and it somehow came to be my fault!

Out of frustration, and the tension that was slowly building up until it got to both our throats, I drew my eyes off my fingers and set them free to roam the walls.

Her walls where a beautiful blue color that reminded me of the lake that separated the northern part of Michigan from the southern part of Canada. As a kid, I'd stare at it with big curious eyes, and reminded myself how beautifully everything was connected. Little did little me think, that I'd live that last sentence like a curse. My life had somehow come to be that of a puzzle ever since Grecio came along, I had started wondering what it would feel like if he wasn't always there on the back of my mind, waiting to be thought or talked about.

But aside from that all, I knew it was wrong to book appointments I didn't need while others found it hard to, but it was either this or fortune-tellers. And I knew my parents well, whatever my mother meant by "I believe you," probably would have made her go crazier than before the Kabus incident. But my mind keeps wandering towards another destination... Something must have convinced her, something real. But what it was, held me in a dark corner along with this woman, who observed me eagerly like I was an animal at the zoo, but it somehow came off as sympathetic.

She began to pinch the top of her blue ballpoint pen repeatedly in an attempt to distract and break me away from my caging thoughts. When my eyes met hers, I passed her an awkward smile with an apologetic twist, which somehow gave her permission to speak.

"It's cold outside." She stated.

"Of course it is," I replied, passing her a glare, and God was she shocked. "Its winter."

"Well... Do you like the cold?" She tried.

My eyebrow twitched and I laughed, "No one likes the cold, Doctor."

"And what makes you assume such things? I like winter just fine, it has... Christmas?" She asked, but by the looks of it, she wanted to grab her phone and Google whether or not Muslims celebrated Christmas. I wouldn't advise it, it'll only get her more confused.

"Well... because too much of it can hurt you." I shrugged, remembering his cold skin against my fingers, or the way his presence made my frozen heartache with excitement. "But too little could also hurt you, and probably a lot of other people after you." I reminded no one but myself.

"What are you trying to say exactly?" She wandered, speaking slower.

"People die, they move on and live in a different world altogether. But we cry and weep after them because that cage was once a terrible place to live with them with us. They were the ones keeping us going and we failed to see it before, but now they're gone, and you cant decide if its forever or he'll jump back into the cage with you." I explained, "That's how uncertain and confused we all are, from what is true and what is not."

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