Close to Destiny (A Magical Love Story)

Chapter 32

May 1

Blanche criticized me for my indifference.

"How could you toss away a long-term relationship without the slightest feeling one way or the other?" she asked as she piled papers into her briefcase.

I shrugged and stirred fake sugar into my coffee.

"And you're still not eating much, Kat," she said, shaking her head. "I'm worried about you. Damn it. You know I have to leave for this deal, and now I'm starting to wonder if I should cancel everything."

I jumped up with a start and took her hand.

"No. That's ridiculous. I can handle the situation. You're not my mother. Don't start treating me like a two-year-old again, Blanche. I knew I shouldn't have come here."

"You needed to come here. You needed me. What are you going to do in a few days when I'm gone?"

"Finish growing up," I said with a smirk.

"That's not funny, Kat."

"Look, don't you feel better knowing I'm not totally brokenhearted over Paul?"

"What if you're fooling yourself?"

"Blanche, let me worry about it."

"You're still thinking about Will aren't you? That's what this is really about, isn't it?"

"What makes you say that? I told you I pushed him away."

"But you didn't want to push him away."

I tried to lower my gaze, but the truth of her words trapped me.

"What does it matter anyway?"

"Kat, you're emotionally fragile, and I don't think he understands that." Her eyes wouldn't let mine escape. "This isn't the right time to begin an adventure with someone—especially after those stories from your trip to London. You need some stability in your life, and he doesn't seem able to provide that."

"You're wrong." I could count on one hand the number of times I had said those words to my sister. They leaped out right then and there, and others followed with just as much vigor and conviction. "I'm the strongest I've been in years. For the first time in a long while, I'm not obsessing over food or Paul or the fact that I can't find a decent job. Don't you see that everything that happened in London—no matter how crazy and unbelievable—helped me break free?"

"What's next, then?" she asked with the oh-so-familiar sigh of impatience.

"Well, I was thinking I could stay here for a while. Since you're leaving and all." I chewed on my lip after revealing the little plan I had come up with while trying to make my way through a sleepless night.

"You don't want to go back to your place, do you?" she asked, as more of an affirmation than a question.

"Just to pack up a few things. That's it. It's calm and... and neutral here. Without the memories. You can't tell me it's mentally healthy to stay in that place after everything that's happened over the years. I tried to end it all, Blanche. Right there in that bathroom. But Paul wouldn't consider moving even when I told him I got shaky every time I set foot on that tile floor."

"You never told me." Her usually firm voice softened.

"I thought it was my fault."

"Nothing is your fault," she said, taking me in her arms and stroking my hair. "I'm sorry if I didn't understand you, Kat. I wanted the best for you, that's all."

I could tell she was sniffling back a few tears. I pretended not to notice. For some reason, I never liked seeing signs of weakness in my sister. She was encroaching on my territory. I had to see Blanche as the strong one.

"Everything's OK, Blanche," I whispered.

She took a step back, wiped her eyes and smiled.

"You might want to move into my bedroom after I leave. It's more comfortable."

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