All It Took (Kaisoo)

| Chapter 47 : For Him |

•◇•

The smoke cleared up after baekhyun and chanyeol helped me to walk and get behind the thickest tree trunk that was still standing as the moved the roots over us as a protection.

I couldnt wait any longer moving away from them as I clutched my chest still in pain, looking around through the dusty air. I rushed toward where they were fighting earlier, chanyeol close behind me. ,, jongin!" He attempted to pull me back but I just growled at him in warnings.

He sighed following me closer while baekhyun was on the other side of me looking out for anything himself.

,, kyungsoo !?" I called out picking up my steps to get to the spot quicker as the smoke cleared up slowly.
,, KYUNGSOO !" the more time it took and the longer it was so quiet only having the sound of a few left branches and grass burning crackling from burning down in my head was making me go insane.

In the end t started rushing almost running and stumbling as I hurried to it. The air had almost completely cleared out when I finally reached the spot but there was nothing to be seen and I turned around frustrated looking around me until I saw it.

A flicker, a light in the distance and i ran toward it, speeding up my pace when it was slowly dying down.

My eyes were wide when I got close enough to see his brown hair, how he used to look like, the smoke moved and I actually saw his huge chocolate brown eyes looking into mine not too far away, he stood there and he smiled.

I broke into tears chuckling as I ran toward him and he stumbled over his steps falling forward, I was just there ready to catch him.

But he fell through my arms and disappeard into nothing.

All the air has left me when my arms where still stretched out and I collapsed to land on my knees still staring at hands where he should be... I just had him.
He was just here.

the fat tears started rolling down my cheeks as I looked beneath me to see the dead grass start to come alive again. As if he was laying in my arms and causing it.

But he wasnt,

I closed my hands into fists hitting the ground beneath me with it. Hitting the come alive grass as if j could blame it for that it came alive again but kyungsoo didnt. And I kept hitting it until the pain from my chest hindered me and i ended up folding together leaning over my knees to bury my face in my hands on the ground.

And I screamed, and cried as if it would do something or could somehow bring him back to me.
But I know it wouldn't
,, bring him back.. b-bring him b-back.
P-p-please ... PLEASE ! Bring him back !"

I felt chanyeol and baekhyun being just behind me knowing to give me space and that I needed time as i would describe it but at that moment it felt like no space nore time could make it better.

It hurt, more than anything I've ever experienced. It was pain from inside and I couldnt bandage it or squeeze it to make myself believe I made it better. It wa just pure agony and I sobbed to that agony picturing his smile in front of me.

Imagening he would tap me on the shoulder and laugh at me for being over dramatic when he was the one who sacrificed himself for a world that didnt deserve him.

How could I have let this happen..
this is my fault I could've stopped him.
We could've ran.

If we had ran then I would still be able to feel him falling asleep in my arms.

But now I'll never experience this feeling again, the sparkles with every touch, the sound of his laugh and voice, the kisses the comforting gestures the way he understood me even if I didnt use words nothing will ever happen again. I wont see his smile again.