Endearing ️️️✅

17 : Memories and fears

The loud cracking in the sky shook you to the core followed by a loud pitter patter of the rain giving you chills. The air was getting cold with every passing seconds making goosebumps rise on your skin.

Your past memories related to rain and lightning still sat heavy on your heart and now it was becoming suffocating. Your therapist thought you were getting better but you knew better than him.

Bad memories like that were not easy to accept and definitely impossible to forget. It had never left your mind and every time it rained, the horrific images of past only amplified in their effect on you.

You were breathing heavily. You knew from the violent rise and fall of your chest but it felt like someone was chocking your throat. You felt a scarcity of oxygen and it was making you light headed.

You take a breath and try to control your emotions, you can't afford to have a panic attack when you're all alone at the house.

You try to dial Yoongi's number but before you can hit the call button you quickly shut your phone off. Yoongi can't always be there for you. You have to be your own strong person.

Reaching for a glass your hands tremble and you know it's not a good sign. A few more deep breaths and you fill your glass with water and sip it slowly.

You feel better until another thunderstroke occurs. You jump unconsciously and almost drop the glass. There was no one around you not even Mr. and Mrs. Lee next door today just like that day. All alone and lonely.

And with that the image again flashes in your mind which you've tried to lock up for almost two decades now. A little girl with pigtails standing alone in a park in a pink frock and drenched in rain. Confused and looking around, she's crying.

You realize that your own eyes have started to water too. You don't want to remember that. You haven't thought about it for a while so why now?

Just a thunderstorm is enough to trigger it. You've been too happy these past days but you should've never forgot that these memories are never going to leave you. And if they're never going to leave then you've got to deal with them like a real lady.

So you place the glass in sink before you actually drop it from your trembling hands and sit against the cabinet on the cold floor of your apartment.

Hands in lap, you straighten your back and take deep breaths. Long deep breaths. And you think about all the good things that has happened in your life and is happening in your life.

How you got to meet Mr. and Mrs. Lee, your soul sibling Yoongi, your friends, hobi and tae. Taehyung, the one you're so glad to have him in your life, who puts a smile on your face even from his littlest actions.

Like when he makes a mistake he pulls his shoulders upward and ducks his head a little downward or when he makes a fist and pushes it in air when he achieves something and especially that boxy smile he gives when he's genuinely happy.

Then you think, how would he react if he sees the state you're in right now. How would he react if he knows about your past. So many people who you thought were close to you, left you at that time.

From time to time you felt like that lonely, crying girl in the park who had no one else around her. To comfort her and to make her feel safe. Just like there's no one around you to make you feel better.