Her Calling

N I N E T E E N

N I N E T E E N
billie eilish, watch.

My head is spinning as Raheem picks up the gifts off the floor, I'm sat on the porch staring at the grass a bit beyond where I'm sat. At first he was speaking to me and then he gave up, I wanted to respond but my body felt so weak. I couldn't get myself off the ground nor could I lower and raise my jaw to communicate.

My eyeballs the only piece of me still functioning, my eyelids too I suppose. Was I even breathing? Do I even want to? Why had the Moon chosen this path for me? Couldn't she had picked someone else, I just wish I could've become the Queen I was born to be. Why me? Why did I have to go through all of this, I'm so exhausted. Goddess, I'm so exhausted.

I hadn't realised I had started to cry again until Raheem sat beside me and brought me into his hold. Really he pulled my entire body into him. I was silenced instantly, the familiarity he brought being welcomed.

Raheem is not associated with any of this hardship and chaos, he just brings me great joy. That is all I feel when I remember him, therefore it is all I feel when I'm surrounded by him.

"I'm so sorry Lerato."

I sighed not moving my head off his chest, "No, I'm sorry. This was meant to be a surprise, this was meant to be a really good time. I'm sorry it all got ruined."

"Nothing is your fault, therefore it's not your obligation to apologise. I don't want to hear another apology coming from you."

Pushing myself off of him I rise to my feet, "Well, let's make your welcome worth while."

I showed him into my house where I decided that I would not dwell on the events that had just transpired. For as long as Raheem was here, I would not even think about Micah.

"What do you wanna do first?" I ask with a broad smile and he chuckled.

Setting everything on the countertop he replied, "Honestly? Sleep." I threw my head back and laughed, "That is utterly understandable, flights are tiring and if I remember correctly, you can't sleep on a plane?"

He nodded so I turned around ready to show him to a guest room, "Okay, well, follow me sleepyhead."

I shut the door of the guest room once Raheem had settled, I made my way to the kitchen where he had dropped the gifts Micah had brought with him. I grabbed everything and walked out the sliding door which led to a braai area. I threw some coal onto the stand and poured some parafin over them, I know that's not how it's done but I could care less right now, I'm not really braai'ing a damn thing.

I threw a lit matchstick over the coals and they instantly caught on fire. I threw the flowers in first, followed by the bear, the LV paper bag without peeping the contents and then the chocolate.

I watched as everything burned and the fire in my own heart grew just as the fire before me did each time I added something else. The thoughts and feeling from earlier, before Raheem appeared resurfacing.

I pulled out my phone from my back pocket without taking my eyes off the flames. I glanced at the phone to find Khalil's phone number, I pushed the call icon and waited for him to answer.

"Lerato, hey." His voice was as cheery as usual.

I half smiled, "Hey Khalil, how are you?"