Darker Secrets, Bigger Lies |Toni Topaz|

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 14

-Time Skip-

It's been about three months since we lost Ocean, life since then has seemed duller, like everything lost its color for a while. When my due date rolled around that was the hardest day for both Jade and I. We spent all day crying and visited Oceans resting place. Sometimes it doesn't even feel real that we lost our son. There's days I still feel like I'm pregnant. Other days reality smacks me right in the face and I don't know how to deal with things.

Jade suggested we go to counseling which I was honestly kind of against, I don't feel like it's anyone's place to tell me how to grieve the loss of our son.

I have to give it to Jade she's been nothing but amazing with me, always making sure I'm alright, constantly telling me how much she loves me and how we'll get through this together. But there's times where I'm unable to reciprocate the feelings.

I know the accident wasn't her fault, I know there's someone out there that is one thousand percent to blame for us losing our son. They were the idiots that ran the red light that night, they were the ones to slam into our car and they were the ones to leave the scene without checking on us.

But I can't help but put some blame on Jade for what happened. Which is why I have slowly been pulling away from her working a lot more. Not wanting to be home, or around her much. I really don't know what's wrong with me.

"Where are you going?" Jade asked as she walked into the bathroom and saw me getting ready. "Meeting with a client" I answered back shortly.

I could see her furrow her eyebrows as I looked at her in the mirror. "Again? Last night you said we could have a date night. Why would you wait until four thirty to go show a house?" I shrugged my shoulders "yeah, well I need to meet with this client I think I found the perfect house for him."

"Him? The same guy that was blowing up your phone asking about houses just a few days after we lost Ocean?"

I knew she wasn't a fan of this client because it was true about three days after everything happened he would constantly call and text asking questions about different houses that were on the market.

"Yes Jade the same guy. This is my job I need to try and find something he likes or else I lose out on money." She sighed loudly, "how many times do I need to tell you that we're fine when it comes to money? We have plenty in the bank you don't even need to work Toni. We haven't spent any quality time together lately and I fucking miss you babe."

Everything that's happened to us in the last few months definitely has put a wedge in our relationship. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss her too but my feelings are all over the place right now.