Darker Secrets, Bigger Lies |Toni Topaz|

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 19

It's been a few weeks since I moved everything out of the house I once shared with Jade and I'm now in my own condo it's weird living alone. I haven't really lived on my own since I was around sixteen. I was so used to the noise that Jade and the dogs made hearing them bark when she would throw a ball around with them. Or music playing through the house whenever Jade was home. Now when I come home it's completely silent. I miss coming home to Jade and our fur babies every day.

I reached out to Hermione and Veronica so I could talk to them about everything. I feel like aside from Jade, they're the only two I really need to explain myself to because I used Veronica as a cover the night I cheated and I felt so bad about it. And Hermione and I had gotten close throughout the years she easily became the motherly figure I needed in my life since I didn't really have one growing up and I truly didn't want to ruin that.

When I called Hermione she agreed without hesitation she said she would make us all lunch at her house and that's where I'm driving to right now.

As I got closer to FP and Hermione's house the more nervous I got. The Jones family became my family well before Jade and I got engaged but once Jade put that ring on my finger they showed me just how much they truly loved me and accepted me in their family unit. I knew my actions didn't just hurt Jade they hurt her parents and her siblings too and that's a weight on my shoulders and a pang of guilt that killed me to carry.

Once I got to their house I buzzed the gate and waited for it to open as it did I took a deep breath and hoped everything would be alright. I could see Veronica's car parked so I parked next to it and got my things before getting out and locking the doors. I made my way up the stairs and onto their porch before knocking on the front door.

I didn't hear any footsteps walking towards the door so when it opened it kind of startled me. Standing in front of me was Hermione I smiled and gave her a hug she hugged me back and told me to come inside. I followed her to the dining room where Veronica was sitting drinking a glass of wine.

She looks at me and gives me a small smile but makes no attempt to get up to give me a hug like she normally would I know it shouldn't have hurt since it was to be expected but it honestly did. I gave her a smile back and said "hi" before I took the seat across from her. The silence between us was deafening.

Hermione came out with three plates of food Milanesa and rice a dish Jade loved. The air was thick with tension and awkwardness something I had never experienced with them ever. "So how have you been Toni?" Hermione asks as we all begin eating. "I guess as good as I can be in this situation," I reply catching Veronica rolling her eyes at my answer. "Have you talked to Jade at all?" Hermione asks I shook my head "I've tried but she doesn't want to. The last time I had somewhat of a real conversation with her was when I moved my things out of the house."

I could see Veronica wanted to say something but she stopped herself several times before she finally did. "Good" she muttered lowly "what?" I asked. Veronica looked at me straight in the eyes "I said good. She shouldn't talk to you not after what you did to her."

"Ronnie I-" she cut me off with waving her hand "no let me talk. What you did to her was beyond fucked up Toni. You weren't with her that night, you didn't see her break down and cry like a fucking baby because of how much you had been hurting her. She had an entire night planned for you guys and an entire day the next day planned for you. But what was more important than spending time with your fiancée? Oh yeah meeting up with the guy you fucking cheated on her with.

And you know what hurts the most thinking back on that night? It was hearing how you did not once ask her how she was dealing with losing Ocean. You weren't the only one that lost a son Antionette, Jade did too and it broke her heart just as much as it did yours. Then you have the audacity to try and use me as a cover for your fucking cheating. And then had to shatter her even more than she already was you blamed her for losing Ocean saying it was punishment for her being a freak. I honestly can't even look at you without wanting to slap the shit out of you."

I couldn't even be mad at Veronica's words at all she was right about everything she's protective of her sister and I wouldn't expect anything less from her. "I know you're mad at me, believe me, you have every right to be. You both do. I know what I did didn't just hurt Jade it hurt you all as a family and you don't have to accept my apology but I want to say I'm beyond sorry for what I did. I never wanted to hurt her that wasn't my intention at all.

It's not an excuse but alcohol was involved that night. But that doesn't excuse what happened I was well aware of what I was doing and I still did it. But I'm so deeply sorry for everything." I said truthfully making eye contact between Hermione and Veronica both.

"You hurt my baby girl Toni and that's something that truthfully I have a hard time forgiving you for. I understand you were dealing with a lot but you should have opened up to Jade about how you were feeling. She told me she offered more than a few times to do grief counseling together and you shot her down every time. For the life of me, I can't understand how you thought that cheating on her would fix things when all it did was make things worse.

I'll be honest with you Jade isn't doing good at all I won't say more than that. But you need to woman up Toni and do it now. Quit making these decisions without thinking about the consequences you ruined your relationship for a moment of pleasure. And you did it at the worst possible time you just lost your son and you betrayed her in the worst way. I think you need to go get therapy alone and figure out why you make the decisions you do. Figure out who you really are and then maybe in the future you and Jade can work on things." Hermione said as she held my hand. "I'll do whatever it takes to fix things with Jade, I still love her with everything in me I still want to marry her and to give her more babies. I don't want anyone else." I said now crying I was embarrassed and ashamed but it's what I deserved after what I did.

I know it's going to take a lot of soul searching and fixing myself to even begin to repair all the relationships I've ruined with my actions. But I'll do whatever I need to in order to get my happily ever after with my Jade Noelle the only person I've ever truly loved.