Darker Secrets, Bigger Lies |Toni Topaz|

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 21

I've been doing my best to keep myself as busy as possible working out in the gym daily sometimes twice a day, focusing back on my businesses and trying to get my mind in a positive area again. But there isn't a day I don't find myself in Oceans nursery it may sound weird but it's like I can feel his energy in the room. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think about the "what could have been's" just a few days ago he would have been four months old that was a super hard day for me but I did my best to remain as positive as I could.

Mondays were my usual days where I would pop up at the bars and collect the money that was made over the weekend and deposit it into the bank and order inventory for the week ahead. I had already been to Black Diamond and made a trip to the bank with Storm and Zeus in tow.

I had just pulled up to WolfThorn/Whyte Wyrm to do the same as I did with Black Diamond. I noticed Fangs, Sweet Pea, Jug, Alexa and Kato's cars all in the parking lot. I parked my truck and let the dogs out they did a quick lap around the parking lot before rushing to the front entrance of the bar where I was standing just watching them.

If I didn't have my two fur babies helping me cope with everything I would have for sure probably went down a different path with everything that had been going on. We walked inside and both dogs instantly running up to little Bella who was walking around in her little walker. But as soon as they got close they slowed down making sure not to knock her over making us all laugh. They loved babies. I greeted everyone and sat down with them watching Bella squeal every time Storm and Zeus got close to her.

"It's still crazy knowing Fangs is a dad, like look at that perfect little human he helped make that." Sweet Pea said as he playfully punched Fangs. Fangs had a wide smile on his face "I know it's crazy when I look at her seeing a little girly version of myself looking back at me. Ashley has been the best mom though I really got lucky with her."

Even though a shooting pain went through my heart thinking about Ocean at that moment. I truly was so happy for Fangs. I knew that his ultimate dream was to be a husband and father and he was both of those things now.

"Can I hold her?" I asked Fangs which he immediately nodded "of course, you're her aunt you don't need to ask." I knew my friends all treaded lightly about the whole family subject lately and while I appreciated it, I hated it at the same time. I didn't want to be looked at with sympathy all the time.

I walked over to Bella and picked her up out of her walker "hi baby girl" I cooed at the precious little girl in my arms. Making sure I was holding her correctly I began walking around the bar with her talking to her as if she could understand me. I could hear my friends on the other side of the bar laughing at a joke Fangs had told.

I repositioned Bella in my arms and she instantly stuffed her little face into the crook of my neck letting me know she was sleepy. I gently patted her back as I quietly sang to her. I could hear her breathing even out but I still gently patted her back. Getting caught up in the moment I could picture my son in my arms taking Bella's place. I choked back the tears at the thought. I walked back to Fangs with his sleeping daughter in my arms.