Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Chapter 7

We keep on going, although I am exhausted. I would never admit it to anyone, but I am bone-deep tired and wondering if the knowledge we are looking for is worth all the trouble.

I care about Tobias and Cecilia, but honestly, had I known what the tests would entail, I can't say for sure if I would have gone on this odd mission.

Well, had I known that this quest would entail working with my ex and his ex, I most definitely would have stayed home, sipping blood next to the fireplace, enjoying small pleasures of life.

As it is, I am stuck in a loop that I am afraid to break.

After everything that has happened, I am pretty sure that giving up, walking away from here would bring with it some kind of punishment, as well. It's not something I can prove, but my instincts are telling me that there is no going back.

These days I tend to listen to my instincts, having ignored them for so long, I feel like I owe them that much.

I am starting to regret this whole mission of learning more about the healers. Maybe it would be better for everyone involved if the stories about the healers stayed in the obscurity of the past where they had always lived.

The funny thing is that I make excuses about wanting to help Tobias and Cecilia, wanting them to learn about their heritage and what it all means for them, how it will affect them as vampires, how it had already affected them, but that's a lie.

If I am being honest with myself, I am doing this for me.

I need to know that the reason they are so much more controlled than me has something to do with supreme blood and not my inability to control my cravings.

I guess now I have to suffer the consequences of being envious and needing to know that they couldn't possibly be so much better at self-control than me while being so young.

I feel like my head is getting heavier from all these burdensome thoughts, and yet that doesn't stop me from noticing Seymour separating from us.

As he does so, a fog suddenly lifts, surrounding him, obscuring him from our view.

We can still see him, but he can't see us.

I know that this must be the next test, but I have no idea how to pass it nor for who it is.

"Helen?! Alarcos?! Where are you?!" Seymour screams.

There is such desperation in his voice that I barely recognize it as his. As long as I've known him, I have never heard him sound so panicked as he did just now.

Well, maybe once, and that was moments ago when he thought that Alarcos might die.

"Can you hear me?" Seymour yells.

"Yes, we can hear you. Calm down." I say.

"Alarcos! Helen!" He bellows out.

"He can't hear us," Alarcos tells me the obvious truth.

He starts frantically waving his hands in a vain attempt to get Seymour's attention.

"Nor can he see us. What does this mean? For crying out loud, what kind of test could this be?" Alarcos asks.

As we contemplate how to help him, I realize that every time we approach the fog moves him away.

I might not have forgiven him for what happened yet, but I don't want anything bad to happen to him, either.

Alarcos and I keep following the fog at a distance, hoping to find some way to break through, to make Seymour see us.

After yelling our names for what feels like hours, he suddenly breaks down. He sits down and starts sobbing.

Never in my whole afterlife, had I seen Seymour sobbing and from the broken-hearted expression on Alarcos face, I am sure he hasn't either.

"I am all alone. They have left me. I am being punished for being such a sadistic vampire. I didn't mean to, I just wanted to feel something." Seymour says to himself.

"I need to know the opposite of love to be sure if I had ever felt love before. I needed to inflict the pain to be sure I remember how much it can hurt. I am so sorry! I've been selfish, and now I am paying the price." He speaks to the empty air.

It never occurred to me to analyze his behavior, to understand why he did what he did.

To me, he was just a vicious vampire, but now it's clear that it's so much more than that. He is lost.

That is probably the reason why he accepted to help me the moment I found him in that ruthless clan.

He was found.

I found him, and he was finally able to feel like someone was there for him.

And what did I do?

I was cruel to him, trying to take advantage of him.

Maybe because it still hurts that he just left me, I was unable to see that he was in pain.

Vampires or not, pain always finds the way into us, it never gives up.

"If I have to pay for my sins, I am ready, but please don't make Helen and Alarcos suffer as well. They have done nothing wrong. Their only sin was loving the wrong person, and no one should be judged for that no one knows in advance if the person is the wrong one to love." Seymour says.

As he says that, something shifts; and the fog starts slowly disappearing, revealing Seymour down on his knees tears streaming down his face.

It's such a sad image that both Alarcos and I run to him hugging him at the same time.

Seymour holds on to us with a grip so firm that it feels to me like we are a life raft for a drowning man.

I can't help but wonder how I haven't seen it before.

How did I miss that vulnerability and fear that is so obviously such a huge part of who he is?

Was I a terrible partner for not being able to see past his defenses?

What gives me some comfort, although it probably shouldn't, is the fact that Alarcos seems to be shocked as much as I am to learn about this side of Seymour.

"You are here. You are both here." Seymour says dreamily.

"Is this real?" He wonders.

"It's real. We are both here with you. We are not going anywhere. It's okay. You are not alone." I say as I hug him tighter.

He is still hesitant to believe me, so Alarcos and I stop hugging him, and I lift his head to make him look me in the eyes.

"Open your eyes," I say.

"No, this is a dream. If I open my eyes, you will be gone, again." Seymour says.

I look at Alarcos, my eyes asking for permission for what I am about to do, and I only move closer to Seymour when I see Alarcos nod his head.

I lower my lips to Seymour's and give him a friendly peck.

The moment I do that, his eyes fly open, and I quickly move away not wanting him to misinterpret the situation.

"Does this feel real enough for you?" I ask.

"It sure does." He says.

He looks at me with wonder in his eyes trying to decipher what it all means, but instead of saying anything, he pulls us closer and hugs both of us tightly.

"I am so glad you guys are okay." He says.

"You have passed another test." the annoying voice says as we try to reassure Seymour that everything is okay.