Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Chapter 56

Though murderous rage is the most prominent emotion that I am feeling, one part of me, my rational mind, is seeing the logic in Alarcos' words.

Feeding on the one I care about is the last thing I want to do. However, if we don't defeat the Vampire Council, his sister might be in danger, which is sure to cause him pain. Furthermore, he might become yet another victim of the Council.

"Fine. I'll go, but if Eliot says no, that's it. We won't ask anyone else to do something as crazy as that, and I will not insist if he refuses." I say sternly.

"Agreed," Alarcos says, grinning more than he should.

Why he would find any amusement in our situation is beyond me. Does he still hate me so much that he enjoys my sufferings? Does everyone enjoy my distress?

"Helen, are you sure? You don't have to do this. We'll find a way to deal with them without you having to risk hurting the one you...another living being." Cecilia says, catching herself before saying more than I am ready to hear.

It seems like whatever is going on with Eliot and me, everyone has an idea of what we are. They all think they know what we could be if I allow for this to go any further.

Though I know that I should cut this in the bud, I don't want to do it. Isn't it about time for me to do what I want? Why can't I just do what feels good without worrying about the consequences?

Oh, yes. It's because those consequences can be the death of the one person who sees me as I am and is not already taken.

"Yes, it'll be fine," I say, not entirely sure that is true.

"But your bloodlust..." Cecilia starts to say.

"I said it's fine!" I snap at her, almost releasing a growl.

I regret it immediately because the poor girl isn't the one I am mad at. It's me. I am furious at myself because even I don't trust myself to curb my thirst and not hurt the man I...the man I care about. What does that say about me?

"Helen..." Tobias starts sternly, dissatisfaction written all over his face.

"I know. Cecilia, I am sorry. I am not angry at you. I am just nervous about what I am about to do. Whether I like it or not, Alarcos is right. This will give us a great advantage, and I owe it to you, to the Healers, to give it a try.

"Maybe for the first time in their existence, they won't have to worry about the Vampire Council breathing down their neck. Having to hide from other vampires is troublesome enough. I am guessing having to sacrifice one of their own for the rest to live is a horrible burden, one they would be happy to get rid of." I say.

"I understand," Cecilia says kindly.

It annoys me how different she has become, how easy it is for her to forgive these days, unlike when she was first turned.

"Helen, I know that your bloodlust has always been an issue for you. We both know about your little...side trips. However, I think that you can do whatever you set your mind to. You are the strongest vampire I know, emotionally and physically. Just believe in yourself as much as we all believe in you." Tobias says, sounding like the inspirational mambo jumbo that humans tend to listen to these days.

Before I can give my rude reply, Seymour speaks up having anticipated my reaction as always. I find it odd how much has stayed the same, although so many things have changed from the very core. It's rather unusual.

As a matter of fact, I find it stranger that some things have stayed so much the same. It makes it harder to accept the changes, to deal with the new reality.