Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Chapter 19

Having become a bad guy myself, which I guess I always have been, but having seen myself in that light, makes it more difficult to mistrust Seymour. I mean, he did leave me, but he didn't destroy my whole world the way I shattered Alarcos'. Who is the true monster in my tale of immortal existence?

Even now that he is running by my side, going on another quest for me, to repent for his sins, I can't help but feel a worm of mistrust wiggling its way into my heart. Just when I thought I had moved past what he did, just when I thought knowing why he did it helped me forgive and forget, I go back to where I was before knowing the truth.

Honestly, I might be projecting the emotions I have towards me to him. Perhaps all the loathing I feel towards my lying self has been transformed by my subconscious into mistrust of Seymour. That would explain a lot.

On the other hand, I could never understand how people go past the harm that others caused them. How could they forgive something that broke their hearts, that smashed the very idea of who they were?

Unlike many other beings I know, I don't think everyone deserves forgiveness or second chance. I sure don't.

Even now that I know what I had done, I don't regret it, not truly. The closest I can get is wanting to regret my actions, but their blood was too delicious for anything else to take root in my heart.

I guess I always thought that if someone betrayed you once, they would do it again. I guess it's true what they say, once bitten, twice shy. With my feeding frenzy, it's different, it's necessary, but leaving me all alone was neither necessary nor reasonable. We could have found a way to enjoy the thrill of the hunt together.

"Are you okay? You seem to be on edge?"Seymour asks, running closer to me than I would've liked.

Even stranger than that was the fact that I was running with my ex on my right and his ex on my left. Could my life get any stranger?

"I am okay, there is just a lot going through my head, that's all." I lie.

"Don't worry. We can do this, together." He says.

"Yes, together," I mumble under my breath.

I take a peek at Alarcos, and he doesn't seem to be bothered by the strange inflection in Seymour's voice. If it were me, I would've been in a fit of rage since it was clear that he was trying to say so much more with that one word than what I wanted to hear.

I could see that he was being cautious because of the way I reacted before, when he started talking about his emotions, but it was still there. It was evident in the way he looked at me, in the passion that burned in his eyes, and I had to close my eyes so as not to see it.

I don't need this. Why can't he just get back together with Alarcos and leave me alone? My existence would be so much easier if there weren't so many immortals I care about. How did I allow for this to happen?

It was much simpler when I was all alone, and the only thing I had to worry about was survival. Now all these annoying little emotions keep surfacing and trying to drown me. Neither do I want them nor need them. I just want to be free, and yet here I am trapped by emotions, weighed down by the guilt for the crimes I am never ready to confess.

"We can do this! After all, you have the muscle, "Alarocs says, pointing towards Seymour.

"and you have the brains," He added, pointing at himself.

"Yeah, right. If you are the brains of this operation, we are doomed." Seymour says, playfully teasing.

"You remember that time when we ended up trapped in the basement when you just HAD to check out that farm with the crazy guy who had more weapons than any vampire could survive?" Seymour asks.

"I didn't hear you complaining then. You seemed to quite enjoy my way of passing the time." Alarcos says suggestively.

Honestly, at the start of their playful bunter, I thought that Alarcos was trying to make me jealous, to prove that they were a happy couple, to in a way respond to Seymour's earlier, not-so-subtle suggestion. But looking at them after chasing away the web of jealousy clouding my judgment, I could see that they weren't doing it on purpose. The playful banter was just the way they were with each other. They were just falling into old habits.

"Ahem, I don't mean to interrupt..." Tobias says coming back our way.

I don't know how much of the conversation he overheard, but it's enough to make him uncomfortable. I am pretty sure that if we were human, he would be blushing profusely right about now. Poor Tobias, he has no idea what to make of this whole situation.

"Cecilia and I think we might be getting close to The House of Healing." He says, doing his best to hide the embarrassment in his voice.

He fails miserably, and I am not the only one to notice. I can see Seymour and Alarcos physically and emotionally pulling away from each other as if they had only now noticed how they were acting, which they probably did.

However, I can't blame Tobias for being shocked by what transpired since he and Cecilia were so focused on the task at hand since the moment we started this journey. They haven't noticed the strange vibes coming off the three of us.

Since I told them what we learned about following their Healer blood, they were ready to tackle the task and that allowed for no distractions to enter their field of vision. They were leading us this whole time, with utter focus, wanting to help so much that nothing else was able to penetrate their thoughts.

I am impressed that they have been so cooperative. If I were them, I would have found the instructions ridiculous, 'follow the call of your Healer blood', I mean what does that even mean.

Yet, maybe the reason I am unable to understand this notion is the fact that I am the furthest thing from a Healer that there is in this world. Maybe the fact that they both have that blood running through their veins, no matter how diluted it was by becoming a vampire, enables them to feel more than what I, or any other vampire can.

"That's good news," Seymour says.

"Are you sure?" He adds.

"We think so. It's difficult to tell, but it feels close." He says.

"How exactly does it feel? I mean, how do you manage to follow the blood? I know I told you to do that, but even to me, it sounds impossible." I say, unable to stop myself.

"It's like an energy that pulls our blood. I guess the best way to describe it, although not completely correct, is to say that it's like magnets. I can feel a tingling sensation pulling me to move in a particular direction. Sometimes I can only feel it on my left side, and when I turn left my whole body is flushed by this tingling sensation. I guess that's how I know that we are on the right track. The fact that Cecilia feels the same way only confirms it." Tobias says.

"I am sorry, but how do you know that we are getting closer?" Alarcos asks.

"Because the sensation is getting stronger and stronger. The longing is almost unbearable now." He says.

The fact that he didn't seem to realize that he used the word longing worries me. How biological is the reaction? Will they start feeling more of the Healer instincts? Will they start fearing me, and, in turn, themselves, all vampires?

I guess we will see soon enough.