Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Chapter 47

Waking hours give me no clarity whatsoever.

The knowledge of who I really am, what I want, is even further away than ever.

Why can't it be as easy for me as it is for Cecilia and Tobias? Why can't I find happiness?

Then again, it might be because I've killed and tortured people. Furthermore, in many cases, I enjoyed doing it. But I've changed, haven't I?

Doesn't my new persona deserve a chance to find some of the happiness that everyone talks about? Is it forever lost to me?

Having in mind that everyone is still asleep, I can't just keep lying and thinking about all the possible ways my life can go wrong. A guarded walk doesn't seem like such a bad idea right about now.

The moment I exit the door, I expect a shaky guy to point his useless weapon at me or something along those lines. What I don't expect is to be welcomed with a sigh of relief.

"Helen, it's you. I was hoping to have a chat with you before the official meetings started," Eliot says.

I can see him exiting the shadows in which he seems to have been hiding for who knows who long.

"Okay?" I say, unsure while continuing to walk.

Whatever he wants to talk about, I am not ready for the others to overhear. I have a hard time dealing with them as it is since they are already thinking I have a lot of feelings.

One of the guards starts to move with us, but Eliot stops him in his tracks.

"I've got this," he tells the guard.

The man yields to his authority. However, I wish he had let the man accompany us because I am honestly not sure how our conversation might end.

I want him. In too many different ways to be good for him, and I am not sure I can guarantee his safety.

Still, I say nothing. What am I supposed to say? Please come along as I might kill your boss.

That won't induce any trust, but then again, neither will accidentally killing the leader's son.

Angry with myself and the direction in which my thoughts are heading, I come to the conclusion that I might as well speak up.

"What do you want?" I ask more harshly than I intended.

My temper cools down slightly when I see the look of hurt cross his face. What gets me is the fact that he tries to hide it from me.

"I am sorry," I say, gently stroking his cheek.

"I just don't understand you. What do you want from me? Who are you truly?" I ask, looking deep into his eyes, trying to reveal what they are hiding.

"I am sorry, Helen. You must think I am acting like a madman. One day I am pursuing you, and when it seems like I've managed to conquer you, I run away," he nicely summarizes the situation.

"Yes," I say honestly.

A huge smile adorns his face at my bluntness, and I just want to kiss him so badly that I have to lock my body in place so as not to do so. I've only met the guy. Yet I've never felt a stronger need to be closer to someone than I do to him, and it is difficult to admit it even to myself.

All those strange emotions I had towards Seymour come into perspective for me to realize that they were mere fragments of what we once had, of what I wished to have. I care about Seymour, I care about him deeply, but I no longer love him. I haven't loved him for a while now.

It takes feeling the taste of the real thing to make me realize that. That's why I was so ready to help Alarcos get Seymour back, because I just had friendly feelings towards him. I wanted two people I considered friends to be happy together.

The epiphany couldn't have chosen the worst timing. Luckily for me, my vampire brain deals with the overload without ever revealing to Eliot what thoughts and feelings were running through my mind and body.

"I've never been a very confident guy," Eliot starts to say.

"Well, you could've fooled me," I say.

"I've had a lot of practice in acting confident. When you are the son of Tolie Healer, you have to be. The only thing I am confident about is that you won't hurt me. The same way I would never do anything to hurt you," Eliot says.

"That's crazy. You can never promise that. People get hurt, even if they are not dealing with the possibility of being drained by a vampire, things happen, feelings get hurt. You can't be confident about things like that," I say.

"Very well, you might have a point. How about this. I will do anything in my power to avoid hurting you." Eliot corrects himself.

"Fine, but why? And what was that all about earlier? Why did you run away from me? I thought you wanted me," I say bluntly.

"I am not sure, there is something about you that makes me feel things that I haven't felt in a while. It's both exhilarating and terrifying. I thought I had no chance with you, and I could maintain my confident act, I could pretend I was this great charmer. However, when you kissed me..." he says.

"You got spooked," I finish his thought.

"Not exactly spooked, but I realized that I might have given you the wrong idea, that you thought all I wanted to do was sleep with you," he says.

"Well, don't you?" I ask.

"Yes...I mean no..." he says, starting to blush profusely.

I lick my lips as the scent of his blood becomes even more enticing than before.

"You really need to stop doing that. It's irresistible," I say as I struggle with my instincts for control.

Surprisingly enough, it's not my bloodlust I have to worry about, for the first time in a while. It's lust.

His confused expression only ads to his allure, and I am uncertain I can resist him. I could resist the overconfident Healer but this blushing man before me?

Not a chance.

I stalk towards him, and he doesn't have a chance to say anything else as I press my lips against his with more gentleness than I've ever displayed in a kiss. He opens up to me like a flower, and I am consumed by the slow-burn of the kiss.

I am so lost in the heaven of lips, tongues, and teeth that I fall into the same trap that I blamed Cecilia and Tobias for getting into. I get so distracted that I don't hear the approaching footsteps until Eliot's father clears his throat.

"Ahem, sorry to interrupt. Can I have a word with you, Helen?" he asks.

"Of course," I say, turning to face him with all the composure I can muster while hiding his blushing son with my body.

"Privately," he says.

"Whatever you have to say to me, you can say it in front of Eliot," I say.

"I didn't know that you are already that close," he says.

"It's not about being close or not. I just don't think you have any secrets to share that Eliot doesn't already know or that I don't mind sharing," I say.

The truth is that I don't want to stay alone with this guy and his approaching guards. I don't trust him.

"Very well. We've decided to help you." Tolie says.

I can sense that he isn't saying something. I am really not in the mood for games, especially having in mind that I haven't finished my conversation with Eliot.

"What are your conditions?" I ask.

"For you, Helen, to leave and never come back," he says, shocking me.