The Last Time I'll Write About You || Yeonbin

Entry #7

Please make it stop.

I don’t know how to stop this. I don’t even know what caused me to want you back this much that it's killing me.

It's 3 am now and instead of sleeping, here I am, on my bedside table with tears continuously falling down my face as I write this down.

I fucking miss you Soobin and I hope you know that.

I miss your stupid smiles and stupid laughs. I miss your hand in mine and how it feels to be wrapped in your arms. I miss your voice and how you sound each time you sing me to sleep or when you had just woke up. I miss your stupid remarks and sarcasm. I miss your annoying nagging every time I did something irresponsibly stupid and the way you hold me and assure me right after. I miss your tender touches and sudden surprise hug attacks. Fuck, I even miss you teasing me about my height even though you’re just a few centimeters taller.

I could go on with the millions of things I miss about you but most specially, I miss your eyes on me and how they express your love and care. How you would suddenly fucking kiss me when I’m in the middle of saying something—particularly when we have a stupid argument. I miss those rude interruptions.

The way you act silly just to make me smile when I have a bad day. The way you always know what to say. The way you'd always turn things upside down. I miss those Soobin. And what I miss the most is hearing you say "I love you". I want to hear you say those words to me again, one more time. Like you actually mean it. I miss the times when you still love me. If I could go back in time, I'll let you know just how much I love hearing you say that and how happy you make me.

Soobin, I miss you so much. You have no idea how much I would give up just to have you back again in my life. But it fucking hurts because I know that you give zero fucks about it. You don’t care at all anymore and I guess I just have to learn how to live with this feeling of constantly wanting you until I give up.

But how?

How am I supposed to stop missing you when it's you that I want?

How am I supposed to not want you when I need you?

How could I forget you when I still love you?