The Last Time I'll Write About You || Yeonbin

Entry #15

It's been months Soobin.

It's been months and I'm starting to get tired. I'm tired of wishing you were still here with me. I'm tired of crying and questioning myself. I'm tired of constantly missing you. And I'm so fucking tired of eyeing the door and hoping that you would miraculously walk in and come back.

I'm just so tired.

I don't want to feel helpless anymore. I don't want to keep on hoping for something I know to myself that won't happen. I don't want to put my happiness on your hands anymore. And I don't want to continue missing and loving you anymore but fuck it I still do.

But I'm tired. And I know that this isn't healthy for me to keep on doing this so maybe I should start to listen to my friends and finally make an effort in forgetting you.

I would love to go home and visit my family but ever since they found out about us breaking up, they were heartbroken and saddened that they keep on asking me about it. And going there will only end up with me facing my parents' questions—especially my mom's. There's no doubt she'll mention you unconsciously; she just loves you so much like her own son, and it will only make me remember you and all our times with them. And that is not gonna help me forget about you.

You know what? Fuck you Soobin for making my family love you so much when you're just going to leave in the end.

But you know, I think it's time for me to leave "us" too. To finally put our story behind and live my life without the thoughts of you haunting me because I'm so tired of constantly hurting while still loving you.

I just don't know how to start.