The Last Time I'll Write About You || Yeonbin

Entry #19

Where are you?

I know I shouldn't but I went to your apartment.

I didn't intend to. I was around the area because I was tasked to get the materials needed for this one show we're handling- but it's beside the point.

The landlord saw me walking by, I didn't even remember how I ended up there. There was just perhaps some kind of force dragging me in that place that's why I showed up.

I wasn't planning on entering, no I wasn't. That would be too much for me and I know it would hurt so much. I couldn't take that anymore. I was just staring right on your apartment complex, remembering the times I used to watch you leave through the front door with a smile on your face, walking towards me.

It was bittersweet, you know? Standing right there, waiting, although I wasn't sure anymore of what I was waiting for because I knew it wouldn't come anyway.

You wouldn't walk towards me anymore.

But when I was about to leave, your landlord approached me.

You didn't tell him we're over?

I was surprised.

Especially when he asked me about you.

How was I supposed to know? We haven't seen each other for months. I haven't heard about you for so long. And he's supposed to know how you are because you live in his property but-

Soobin, why didn't you tell me you moved out since that day?

I was holding myself back all this time not to even step foot around your neighborhood only for me to know that you're not here anymore?

Do you hate me that much?

Do you really don't want to see me that much that you have to leave?

I don't know what I'm supposed to feel learning that, Binnie.

But I know I'm hurt.

It somehow doubled the pain.

Maybe because, it made me realize that the chance of seeing you again is closer to none. That no matter how hard I reach out you wouldn't really be here anymore and it's making me lose my mind.

What's happening to me?

It's been a while now and I'm still like this?

And not knowing where you are is bothering me- it's bothering me so much I don't know what to think.

I know I shouldn't be worrying about you but fuck, Soobin I hope you're fine. Wherever you are. Please, just be alright.