Pointe Shoes and Spider Webs

51. Holding Back

Alriiiight, another short one, because it's 2020! Happy New Yeaaar!

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"Aaaand, développé!" Madame Touha claps her hands and Daphne follows her cue into Peter's arms. His hands rest on her hips as she brings her left leg up as high as possible. Knowing that it takes Peter about zero effort to hold onto her like that makes it a lot easier to just give into the music and let her body flow with it. He's got her. "Turnnnn.... and penché, slowlyyy, ease into it." Madame Touha nods and walks around to their other side, studying Daphne's penché. "Good, good. Keep going, engage your leg muscles more, Daph, gooood, yes!"

They are about two minutes into the choreography. The music is slow, so the movements are too. For now, they mostly focused on the arabesques, promenades and développés in the variation. Turns were for next class as they are a next level difficulty. Not to mention the lifts they were going to have to do. Peter's fingers softly press into Daphne's hips and she hates to admit it's a little distracting. His warmth goes straight through her leotard and seeps into her skin. She's slightly out of breath and she's trying very hard to get back into the music and ignore his touch. Get into character. Think of words that fit. Grace. Delicacy. Extend. She closes her eyes for a second. I am the Sugar Plum Fairy.

...

Nope, it's not working. Daphne dreads coming up from the penché. It means she has to slightly turn towards Peter and make eye contact. She's not sure if she can handle that right now. Seeing his face. She wishes for Madame Touha to pause, but unfortunately for her, the music keeps going and Peter gently turns Daphne 45 degrees. There's no way out. She has to follow the steps. She looks at him, but he forgets to look at her. He's completely focused on her waist and the placement of his hands. There's a little frown on his face and his tongue sticks out slightly from the corner of his mouth. Daphne pauses mid-choreo and whispers.

"You okay?" He snaps out of his trance and looks at her.
"Wha- yea, yeah... I'm just- I'm not sure if I'm doing this right." The uncertainty in his voice makes Daphne soft.
"You are, actually, Peter," Madame Touha says as she stops the music. Daphne goes off pointe. "You need to be more confident. If I have comments for you, you'll hear me."
"I know, I know..." Peter lets go of Daphne's waist and steps back. He pushes his hair back over his head. "Is it okay if we take a little break?" Daphne's brows curl up into a frown. Peter never asks for a break. She places her hand on his upper arm.
"I'm alright with that." Daphne smiles at him, but he's still looking at his hands.
"Sure, take five," Madame Touha turns to the stereo system to grab her phone. Peter immediately rushes out the dance hall, leaving Daphne behind; confused.

...

"Peter?" Daphne knocks on the door of the men's changing room "Are you sure you're okay?" He doesn't reply right away.
"No..." His voice is muffled.
"Can I come in?" It's quiet for a second.
"...Yeah." Daphne opens the door and finds Peter on one of the benches, staring at his hands. She walks in and closes the door behind her before sitting down on the floor at his feet. She gently takes his hands in hers and rests them on his lap. She has to look up to find his gaze.

"You wanna talk?"
"I dunno."
"Come on, Pete. Something's bothering you." She rests her chin on his knee and tilts her head to maintain eye contact. "Is it something I can help with?"
"Not exactly," he mumbles.
"Spider-stuff?" He nods slowly. His face is slightly contorted.
"I don't really know how to be delicate... With you..."
"You-" Daphne interrupts herself and thinks, turning her head to the side. "25 tons, huh?" Peter presses his lips on top of each other, he nods again. "Are you afraid you'll hurt me?" Peter nods even quicker now, slightly squeezing her hands. He can't seem to get a reply out of his mouth. Daphne shifts to sit on her butt and hooks her legs around Peter's.

"You haven't hurt me so far," Daphne tries.
"I know, I know, it's just..." He leans back and groans. "It's difficult."
"What about when you kiss me?" Peter frowns at that.
"What about it?"
"Do you think about holding back when you kiss me?"
"Yeah..." Daphne's surprised at his reply. He always seemed so relaxed in their kisses.
"Wait, so you hold back when you kiss me?"
"I do," he says without hesitation. Though, he almost sounds embarrassed to admit it. Maybe even disappointed. Frustrated?
"Are you really that scared?"
"You're really overwhelming, you know that?" He scoffs with a smile. It falters quickly, though.
"I'm sorry," she mumbles.
"Don't be." He leans down to kiss her forehead. "It's not your fault. I just don't want anything to happen to you. It took me a year to figure out properly how to control my power and you distract me to the point where I-" He looks her straight in the eyes. "I think I lose control."

Daphne just looks at Peter, not really knowing what to say. Everything had felt so natural up until this point. But it wasn't. He holds back. Daphne's cheeks go red at the thought of what he could do to her if he didn't.
"How can I make you more comfortable?"
"You can't."
"You don't know that."
"Unless you get super strength, I'm gonna have to hold back."
"Okay, but how much do you think about holding back when you toss a piece of paper in the bin?" She refers to the act she's seen him do countless times in class at this point. He never misses and the throw is always gentle. Even when he thinks nobody's watching.

Peter bites his cheek.
"I... I don't, really."
"And why is that?"
"Cause I've done it so much that I'm used to it." Another one of his little quirks presents itself. Whenever he figures something out or has a breakthrough of some kind; his eyebrow twitches.
"Repetition," she says softly. "We just gotta keep practicing and then you'll get used to me like you got used to the piece of paper." Peter nods for the hundredth time this conversation, but this time it's with resolution.
"You're right."

"Do you want to try something other than promenades?" She stands up and cocks her head at him. She pulls at his hands and he slowly gets to his feet. His face goes bright red.
"I- eh..." Daphne grins cheekily.
"What do you wanna do, Pete?"
"I want to try lifting you." He blinks a few times and raises his eyebrows.
"Lift me?" Daphne looks at him amused. "Already?"
"I've carried you a few times before. I think I'd get used to you quicker if I do that." Daphne rubs her thumbs over his hands and smiles.
"Alright, then! Let's go convince Madame Touha."

Peter freezes where he stands.
"She'd never let me lift you today, probably not even next week!"
"You don't know that. You said she knows about you, right?"
"Right."
"If you tell her what you told me, maybe she'll let us try lifts?"
"You want me to tell her that I'm scared I snap you in half or break your bones if we keep doing promenades and that's why we should be doing more advanced things?" Daphne presses her lips on top of each other at his reply. That's indeed not the right thing to say.
"Well, not exactly that..." Daphne takes a breath, purses her lips and turns to the door. "Let me try something."

...

"You want to try the fish dive?" Madame Touha raises an eyebrow at Daphne.
"Yeah, I'm sure Pete's ready for it."
"The lift in the pas de deux is a shoulder sit into a fish dive. You are far from ready to try the shoulder sit yourself, so no."
"Okay, but the fish dive is the easiest lift in ballet and we'll be more confident doing the shoulder sit if we are comfortable with the next step already." Daphne brings her hands together and does a little hop. "We don't have to do the shoulder sit yet, just let us try the fish dive, Madame, please." Madame Touha puts her hands on her hips and sighs.
"Fine. But if he drops you, it's on you."
"He won't," Daphne says with a smile. "He's got me."