Pointe Shoes and Spider Webs

95. Dove

"Madame." Peter quietly shuffles into Madame Touha's office. He gently closes the door behind him and takes a breath. He came in here with a good reason. He wants to explain everything. And with everything he means everything. Madame Touha deserves that, with all the stuff that's been going on with Daphne. "I-"
"You're done, Parker," Madame Touha says simply from behind her desk. She cocks an eyebrow at him and he can feel her silent rage rattle his bones.
"Wha-?"
"What did I tell you?" Madame Touha crosses her arms and sits back with an accusatory look in her eye. "What did I tell you," she repeats. "When you started ballet classes here?" Peter makes himself small, knowing very well what she's getting at. Daphne had mentioned Madame Touha is practically her surrogate mother. It would be stupid to assume Madame Touha didn't know about what happened between the two of them. It would also explain Daphne's absence from today's class.

"No dating," Peter answers her question softly, fearing what she's going to say next.
"And why did I tell you that?"
"Because you didn't want me to distract your students."
"Peter..." Madame Touha threatens, with one cocked eyebrow.
"You don't want them to get hurt."
"And you hurt my girl, Pete," she sighs. "I absolutely hate saying this but you have no idea how disappointed I am in you." She pinches the bridge of her nose. "I thought you were different."
"I am!" Peter exclaims. "Did she tell you the whole story?"
"She told me enough for me to know you made her think this was all on her!"

Peter stands frozen when the realization hits him that he didn't think this through as well as he thought he did. But he can't go back now.
"Madame," he says softly, headed for the corner of the room. "Please-"
"I don't know what you're grabbing a chair for, Parker, I just told you, you're done. I want you out of this school. Permanently. Now." Peter's head whips around to Madame Touha. Disbelief can be read all over his face. He decides to ignore her and puts the chair in front of Madame Touha's desk.
"-Allow me to explain the entire situation to you." Madame Touha stands up with force, her chair rolls backwards and hits the wall with a loud thud. She inhales sharply.
"Don't make me grab my bat." Peter continues to ignore her and sits down on the chair. He knows Madame Touha is aware she can't force him out of that room and he realizes how intimidating that must be. And how scary he might seem right now.
"Please." His voice betrays him as it cracks and Madame Touha stares at him. The rage on her face doesn't subside. Her fists are clenched, knuckles white. She doesn't sit back down but nods once.
"You have one chance to explain everything." Madame Touha points at him in an accusatory manner. "But it won't matter what you say. Tonight was your last class." Peter nods as he looks at his hands on his knees.
"I won't argue with that," he mumbles. "We're... We're gonna have to go back quite far." The thunder strike. He looks up at Madame Touha and presses his lips on top of each other. "I hope you have nowhere to be, Madame, we're gonna be here for a while."

...

"How did I not notice any of this?" Madame Touha is slouched in her office chair, staring at the ceiling. "And-" She perks up and moves to sit up straight as she glances at Peter. "Why didn't either of you tell me this?"
"It's... A lot," Peter sighs as he runs his hands through his hair. He tugs at it slightly and winces when he pulls too hard and actually hurts himself. But he deserves it, he thinks.
"Zephyr," Madame Touha mutters.
"You believe me?" Peter looks at the ballet master with a contorted face. This whole story sounded fantastical. Fake. He wouldn't blame her if she didn't trust a word he said. Especially with everything that's happened with Daphne. It's only fair Madame Touha would put Daphne first.
"I know for certain that if I asked Daphne this, she would tell me the same. It all adds up and I see no reason why you would lie to me."
"Got nothing left to lose," Peter manages to push out as he hides his face in his hands.

"And you really don't feel anything for her anymore? At all?" Madame Touha looks straight at Peter when she asks this, but he doesn't dare look her in the eye. "Not even friendship?" Peter scoffs, making himself even smaller.
"I don't know what I feel," he answers simply. However, simply isn't good enough for Madame Touha.
"Then explain it to me."
"Explain what?"
"What you feel," Madame Touha scoots her chair closer to her desk so she can rest her arms on it again. "Cause if you don't know what you're feeling, it does mean you are feeling something." She nods once. Determined. "Talk to me."
"I haven't even discussed this with aunt May, or mister Stark. With all due respect, Madame, I don't think I should-" Peter's startled by Madame Touha, banging her desk loudly with one fist.
"Talk."

Peter stares at Madame Touha and clears his throat. It's burning slightly from all the talking he just did and he tries to swallow the ache away. Unsuccessfully.
"When the potion took effect, I immediately noticed." Peter stares at his hands defeated. "I first thought it felt like there was a hole inside me. I hated it," he seethes. "Still do."
"Then why not put in the effort to let Daphne fill that hole again?" Madame Touha asks bluntly. Peter finally looks up, not hiding the tears prickling behind his eyes.
"I don't think it's a hole, Madame. A-At least not anymore. And-" He takes a breath to collect himself. "I don't think it's where Daphne used to be."
"Explain." Peter moves to sit back on the chair and he angles his head up. He stares around the ceiling, as if the answers he's looking for are written somewhere up there.

"Imagine... Imagine you're in bed and it's just so comfortable. You never want to get out. It's so nice and warm and it makes you feel good and safe." His left eye twitches and his tongue absentmindedly runs past his teeth, almost remembering the achingly sweet potion he drank. "And then you're forced out of it." Madame Touha nods once.
"Daphne was your bed?"
"I don't think she was, Madame." He frowns, still gazing up at the ceiling. "I- I think the addiction was."
"Which means..." Madame Touha encourages him to keep talking, which Peter is more grateful for than he thought he would be. Putting his thoughts into words already seems to make things clearer for him. He's honestly curious what he's going to say next.
"I still like her," he breathes. It's like a weight is lifted off his shoulders. "I still like her," he repeats. "It's just less intense."

"You don't love her anymore?" Peter doesn't answer. Instead he frowns at the ceiling. "Alright, let me rephrase," Madame Touha shuffles in her seat. "What do you think when you think of Daphne?"
"I-" He doesn't know what to say. He thinks everything and nothing at the same time. He thinks of her sweet laugh and her funny jokes. He thinks about all the things they've done together and the evenings spent in each other's arms. He remembers the pas de deux and how he held her hand. Her hand. Peter would lie if he said he hadn't seen the golden scars on her palms when they met up at Central Park. Ravir must have healed her, no doubt. But all of it reminds him how Daphne went to see that dubious, mind control loving sorceress for him. Shivers go down his spine just thinking about what Daphne told him about how the golden sorceress had first entered her mind when she had the concussion. And Daphne went looking for her out of free will, just so she could get answers. And do anything to help Peter get rid of the addiction. Even cut herself.
"She hurt herself for me, Madame," he whispers. A single tear finally rolls down his cheek. "How could I let her love me if she hurts herself for me?"
"Ah," is all Madame Touha says. The puzzle pieces are finally coming together. "You don't want her to like you anymore, so she won't do any more reckless things for you?" Peter sniffs and hates himself for looking like a child. More tears start streaming down his face.
"I thought that if I'd look like I didn't care about her anymore, she'd get over me quicker," he sobs softly.

"Peter." Madame Touha grounds him by saying his name and he angles his head to look at the ballet master. She smiles kindly at him. "You know Daphne," she chuckles. "She'd catch a bullet for a stranger." Peter just stares at Madame Touha, not really knowing what to reply. But he knows she's right. "There's nothing in this world that you could do to stop her from helping others. With great disregard of her own safety," she adds the last part with a snort. "And that's why you're into her," she remarks with a smirk and raised eyebrows.
"I can't go back now, Madame." Peter raises his hands defeated. "I already screwed up."
"Maybe so," Madame Touha smirks. "But you love her and she loves you, right?"
"I'm... I'm not sure if I'd call it love," Peter fiddles with his fingers as he brings his hands back in.
"Oh, shut up, Parker." Peter re-positions himself in his chair and leans forward towards Madame Touha.
"It's true, though! Everything I felt for her used to be so incredibly intense and now it's just... It's there, but I don't burn anymore. It's... Weird."

"Do you have to burn, though?" Madame Touha cocks her head and when she makes an analogy Peter hadn't expected, everything suddenly makes sense again. "She isn't your Firebird, Peter. She's your Dove."