Lance Corporal - SNK fanfiction - LevixOC (volume 1)

Lance Corporal: The Tension (chapter 5)

LANCE CORPORAL - Levi x OC (pt. 5)
by galateabellator, Oct 22, 2013, 9:53:30 AM
Literature / Fan Fiction / Romance

PART 5 - THE TENSION - Levi x OC

"Don't worry, Lance Corporal. I'll do my duty and I will stick to the plan."

I'll stay close to you, midget, even if it costs me my life - because it's the only way I know.

It's been that way for the longest period of my existence anyway.

"That's all I wanted to hear." Levi stepped away from the door, heading towards the window. This meant that I could go wherever I want. I should have. But something made me try to talk to him, damn me. Even if I wanted to stay angry and not to say a thing to comfort him, I still felt that urge... that little need to try to penetrate his own walls - even when in the past I was never successful.

I just need to admit it, at least to myself if not him. I missed him. I missed him more than anybody else in this hectic world, but being away from him was the only way I knew how to hurt him.

"I want to hear something, before I leave," I said, getting up. I approached him from behind. I was looking for the words, because it was not easy to formulate that kind of question. I finally gathered the courage.

"Was she... really supposed to marry you?" That sentence cost me a lot. I've felt defeated only by saying it. My heart froze from the anxiousness. My voice trembled, like never before in these past four years.

He just stood there, without a single sound, without any movement. He was like a statue. But I wanted to know, I needed to know. "Have you really lost the love of your life and still haven't shed... a single tear?"

Levi turned to me, taken aback as I asked him so openly.

"The love of my life? So, that's how people talk about it, huh?"

He seemed to have expected those kind of conclusions, and just accepted them that way.

"People like us keep losing the ones they love. Our job is to get used to it and accept it as calm as we can. This is exactly the kind of world we live in. The suffering does not facilitate loss. We gain nothing from shedding tears. The pain does not return the dead, no matter how hard we tried to comfort ourselves by mourning them. But, since when are tears the measure of pain, Ezra?"

"Since the world exists. Crying helps. How long are you going to keep those emotions to yourself? You will break, you know. Not today, not in twenty years, but you will eventually break. And it's ok. You don't have to stay strong all the time."

"I will not insult them with tears. The pain... it can tear me apart... but I will not cry."

That's Levi for you. He has always been a real soldier, a fighter who pushes his own feelings in the darkest pit of his soul, who suppresses every pain, who survives the losses and bravely and decisively moves forward. He never cried like a woman would. He cried only after he lost Farlan... and Isabel... but not after that. His heart hardened. He clenched his teeth and his heart, and manifested his pain through anger in battles. The perfect soldier for killing titans. The perfect hero for human kind, though not by his own choice.

Our grudges aside... I admired him, greatly. He was... everything that I wanted to be. And much more.

I was wondering what I should do next. Eventually, I walked up to him and hugged him. Tightly. I haven't for a long time. He winced as if he might reject me, but he stayed there.

He let me embrace him and did nothing to stop me.

"I'm sorry for your squad. Sincerely sorry. I was shocked when I found out. I know you cared about her. About all of them." Whatever happened in the past between us... his pain bothered me. His loss hurt me too. It's not that he should know about this, though. It completely ruined me from the inside when I heard that they had all died. Erd. Gunther. Aurio. Even Petra. And, I was especially worried after hearing that he was nowhere to be found, so everyone in my unit presumed that he was eaten by the Female Titan and reported falsely to me. I went completely apathetic, completely numb. I thought how we didn't get to settle our matters. He didn't get to hear what I had to say. I couldn't believe that he was dead, he out of all people out there. But, then he appeared with Jaeger, Ackerman, Erwin and others, retrieving the boy. I sighed with relief, but, I felt like a complete idiot too for believing into that news in the first place. He was resupplying. That's all.