Lance Corporal - SNK fanfiction - LevixOC (volume 1)

Lance Corporal: The Traitor (chapter 13)

LANCE CORPORAL - Levi x OC (pt. 13)
by galateabellator, Aug 17, 2014, 6:15:15 PM
Literature / Fan Fiction / Romance

WARNING: Strong language ^.^

PART 13 - THE TRAITOR - Levi x OC

I should've figure this out a long ago. I really should have. If I only paid more attention to the subject of titan shifters, I'd have deducted this earlier. I know I would. I just... wasn't thinking about it deep enough, and that was my 'first' mistake. I had to analyze actions of people who surrounded me – of all the people I knew so well... or thought I knew so well. I regarded them as I would regard a family, and that was my 'second' mistake. I am such a fool.

People in my squad appeared perfectly normal (well, if we take into account those are all people who fight titans on a daily basis. The word 'normal' is not even an option for us). I never thought I had a reason to doubt them until we all heard about the existence of shifters. Occasionally, I did check upon my teammates to figure if something was out of place, but... spying on them to determine if there was a traitor... that was a huge responsibility for me to handle alone and in secrecy. I mean, it was practically impossible. There were too many potential suspects for me to supervise. Therefore, I had to share that duty with someone, but I was having a hard time to estimate whom I could trust with such a risky task.

How do you tell anyone from your unit that you doubt them? And all of them, for that matter? Who was the best person for sharing this delicate doubt with? Collin, who was my teammate even before we joined the Survey Corps, or Brett, who proved to be equally loyal? What about Christiana, who was the closest friend I had in the West Unit? In the end, I didn't chose anyone.

I know, that was selfish of me. I did love them, with all my heart... but love doesn't necessary mean you can trust those you love. It was just a matter of... character, I guess. I was truly devoted to my squad, in the best way a leader can be devoted to her subordinates... but there were a very few people I could really trust, and none of them were close enough (I left them all behind when I decided to go into the West Unit).

What could I do? I was simply brought up that way - the way which says nothing is certain, and that the closest of friends can became the closest enemies, because you open up to them too much. When you trust, you open up. When you open up, they have a weapon to harm you. And it's your choice where you decide to put that weapon... that trust of yours.

The first person, and maybe the only person worth that risk... was Levi, of course. But, he was too far from me at the time I wanted to analyze my squad thoroughly. Erwin was also far. So, I've decided to drop that impossible task of mine without any solid evidence, and hoped I'd reveal someone along the way, even by chance. (I have to say again... I hoped it was all my paranoia, and that everyone were just human. I secretly still cling to that hope. But, hope is an illusion which gets easily scattered by the harsh reality. That's also something I learned early).

Titan shifters, titans... it was all the same to me. I couldn't care less for the basic difference between them... because they were all enemies. But, what happens when your cherished friends turn into those kind of monsters? Is this really the end of a mankind? And what can we do when our own turn against us? We still don't have enough information about them. I couldn't know... but I could've tried to make a connection between the famous titan trio and my own soldiers, if there was any indication. So, there are no excuses, and I can't justify myself in any way. I could've figured this out before, but I didn't, so this is on me. It's my sin in front of the whole humanity.

I feel... deeply ashamed. I really do. There's no worse feeling than recognizing and admitting your guilt and your own mistakes in front of your very soul. The shame burns you. Hurts you. Stays like a scar, like a painful reminder. The soul scars are the most difficult to bear, or heal, contrary to those of flesh. It's hard to carry them because they stick with you forever, and slowly reshape your whole personality.