𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐒𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮 • 𝐊𝐒𝐉

>>>>9. A repressed memory<<<<

"You are my problem now."

The words make you a bit dizzy as you feel a sudden heat burning your cheeks. You look at him with disbelief in your eyes, and take them away almost immediately to avoid his gaze.

Jin smiled as if he could already understand what was going inside you.

Oh that smile.

You found it increasingly difficult to remain in the same room with this man without being flustered.

What was he doing to you?

"Well," you began trying not to stutter, but failing to continue the conversation as he smiled at you indulgently.

"Well, yes. Let's begin from where we finished last time."

Your heart started to beat and this time not because the man in front of you was making you go crazy, but because you gradually realised his purpose in your life.

You had to talk.

You had to work with him... Mentally.

"Um yes," you mumbled, as you nervously brushed your hair.

"I remember you mentioning that your boyfriend Jeongguk started his career as a trainee."

You nodded as you started to play with your fingers.

"Y/N."

You looked at him as he urged for you to go on. 

You remained silent. It was hard. It was so damn hard to take out things that you have been trying so hard to hide. You notice the notebook in Jin's hand as he prepared to write notes onto it; the blank pages ready to be filled with your words.

The blank pages.

They are as blank as the last memory you had of him. You took breath before plunging into the repressed memory of long ago.

*

You sat in a room, all by yourself, patiently waiting. You had come to meet Jeongguk at his institute, absolutely ignoring all his attempts to stop you from doing so.

You have not seen him for months now, and it seemed like he was trying to avoid you. You of course pushed this thought away, feeling confident that nothing had happened between the both of you and that your Ggukie still loved you.

Even if he did not make any attempt to connect with you in the past months, everything was the same with both of you. You loved him and he loved you back.

Nothing was changing that.

While you were preoccupied with your thoughts, the door flung open and an agitated man appeared.

"What the heck, Y/n?! WHAT THE HECKK?"

You looked at him, unable to recognise the person in front.

"G-gukie?"

You voice dried as you finally realised that the person glaring at you was not the person you had fallen in love with.

You tried to not tear up and used up all your strength to stand and confront him.

"Ggukie, um..what happened? I just wanted to mee-"

"Really shut up!! How can you come here? Don't you know that you can really be an obstacle in my career?"

You stared back, the ground beneath your feet, slowly and steadily dissolving into thin air.

"I just wanted to see you, Ggukie... I was missing you."

Your heart was bleeding. You were literally begging him to not leave you.

Please. Please.

"Well, Y/N," his tone suddenly calmed down, as the coldness in it tormented you. "We had talked about it. We can't do this anymore."

Words failed you. Your eyes did not leave his for even a minute.  Your pleas were only returned with a selfish and cold statement.

"Ggukie," you pleaded again, tears forming in your eyes. "We can't... You can't..."

"I can Y/N. Remember when I told you we couldn't do this once I was trainee, I was dead serious about it."

"B-but.... We said we would... We would fight no matter... We would keep it.. Gguk.."

"Y/N, you had told me to follow my dream..."

You looked down, desperately not wanting to hear the sentence anymore. You wanted to run... Run away far from here... You just lost the person you had loved so much...

No, please, please don't say it.

"...and I'm doing just that."

Oh.

So I'm not your dream anymore.

Well maybe, I never was.

Words failed you as you rushed out. You did not know what was happening and you had no idea how you were exactly feeling.

Void. Maybe you were feeling void. A strange burden ripped your heart and kept on bleeding till you felt numb.

He left me. He left me.

You just could not place things as your mind came to terms with things but your heart struggled to beat.

How could he?

"And so did your heart come to terms with reality?"

You came back to the present noticing Jin's questioning look.

"Yes, it did. And there, there comes the next mistake."

The next mistake.

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