Love In Darjeeling

A little Guilt Trip

The following week was a blur.

A lot has been going on since the very next day of cremation ceremony.

But the most irritating thing was the unexpected guests. They pop out of nowhere regardless of the time. I understand that they want to give their condolences, but frankly I don't want it. But still, we have to smile and greet them.

The other difficult task was sorting our parents belongings. It a tradition that we have to give away the belongings of the deceased. Yuvan and Sparsh are sorting our fathers clothes and other belongings while I and Pakhi are going through our mothers. Malini aunty asked me to keep some clothes if I liked but I denied. Those clothes looked good on them only. I don't think I can carry it with their grace.

I was sorting my mother's wardrobe when Yuvan knocked on the room. I smiled at him and he got comfortable on a chair. I was packing all her clothes on a suitcase so that we can give it to charity.

Yuvan sat quietly on the chair. I knew he wanted to tell me something but he was taking time. I let him gather his thoughts for a while.

Once I was done, I packed the suitcase and called the maid to take it away and keep it with the rest. I sat on the bed, facing Yuvan.

"What is it?" I asked softly while he was still deep in thoughts

"Our Dads' lawyer called. Again. He wants to have a meeting with all of us. Something about reading a Will" he said and I sucked in a breath

He had been trying to call us for a while now. But none of us were ready. I declined him multiple times, that's why he started calling Yuvan.

I know we can't delay him anymore. He's doing his job. He'll probably tell us about property and stuff. That's not scary. Plus it's not like there is going to be bad news. Right?

I nodded while saying "Tell him to come tomorrow at 11. We'll deal with it" and he nodded.

"The dinner is ready. You have to eat Adhira" he said softly but firmly the last part and I shrugged.

I don't remember the last proper meal I had. It's not like I'm hungry and not having anything. I just couldn't feel those things. I couldn't sleep.

Everytime I close my eyes, I see the faces of my parents and couldn't get myself to sleep.

"Rahoul is worried about you" he said softly and I cast my eyes downwards.

We haven't had a proper conversation since I don't even remember. I don't want him to see me like this. Broken.

"You know its not his fault," he said, probably thinking that I blame him for some reason.

I furrowed brows together "Of course I know" I said confidently

"Then what is it... Why are you pushing him away?" he asked and I shrugged

I don't know the answer to that question. Why am I ignoring him? Why couldn't I look at him without feeling... guilty?

Guilty. Yes that's what I feel. But why?

"Are you afraid of something?" he asked

Am I ?

"Or are you punishing yourself for something?" he continued

Am I ?

"Look I don't know what you are thinking but let me tell you this, he cares about you. A lot. I know that because he is constantly worried about you. He always ask if you have eaten something or not. Or were you crying. Or were you asking for him. He had been nothing but caring towards us. Plus his family has been nothing but supportive. They are helping us much more than any other relative of ours." he said and suddenly I started feeling guilty.