The Decision

Move on

I wake up and, I look around our room. Dante is nowhere to be seen and, I panic at first but then I relax because I know he is probably just with Luca having a meeting. I turn to my alarm clock and, I see it reads 1 O'clock in the afternoon and I can't believe I slept so long. I was exhausted after yesterday and, then after I had that nightmare last night I just couldn't fall asleep.

I was too scared in case I had another one because it felt so real. I slide out of bed and, I walk to the bathroom. I turn the shower on and, I make sure the water is going to be scalding hot. I need to wash that man away from me because I still feel his lips on mine I still feel his hands on my body and, it makes me feel dirty.

I strip off and, I look in the mirror and, I don't even recognise myself. My hair is all greasy and I have bags under my eyes. There also purple looking and, my face looks pale but the one thing that scares me the most is the distant look that's in my eyes. There's no light there anymore and, I just hope it comes back in time.

I turn to the side and, I look at my still small bump and, I rub it gently. My daughter is going to be my saviour she was the only thing that kept me going and I know I still have to keep going and keep strong for her sake. I need to protect her whilst she is in there and I need to protect her, even more, when she is born. She's relying on me to do everything for her and, to keep her safe and, I always will until my last breath.

I step into the shower and, the water burns me. It hurts but I push on and I manage to scrub my skin and, wash my hair. I then turn the shower to cold to cool my skin and, then I turn it off and, I step out. I wrap myself up into a towel and, I brush my teeth before walking to our closest. I choose to wear a pair of sweats and, a hoodie because I can't be bothered to look fancy.

As I exit the closet I look at all the fancy dresses and heels and I stop for a second to just stare at them. That used to be me once upon a time but now I don't even have an interest in looking nice and elegant what is the point when I feel ugly and, empty on the inside. Why should I try to look good on the outside when I'm so ugly underneath it all especially with the blood that also coats my hands I don't deserve such nice things.

I exit the closet and, I shut the doors behind me. I then walk to my vanity and I brush my hair and, I tie it up. I apply a little lotion and, lip balm as my lips are cracked from all the dehydration and sickness I had a couple of weeks ago. They just won't recover and, hopefully, now that I'm not so stressed they will. I slide on some socks and, I then take in a deep breath before exiting the room.

I walk down the hall and, then down the stairs. I then make my way to the front room and once there I see my sister's sitting on the sofa. Bella is holding her daughter who's name I don't even know of yet and, Gianna is holding Alessandro. I walk into the room and, they both turn to look at me. They rise instantly and, they walk towards me and, we all wrap each other into one big hug.

Tears slide down my cheeks and I whisper an "I love you" to them. After a few minutes we pull away and, we go to the sofa and, sit down. Bella places her daughter into my arms and, I see that she is Bella's twin. She looks so much like her mother it's scary but I have to say she is so beautiful. "What's her name?" I whisper.

I slide my finger down her cheek and, she gives me a small smile and, it just makes my heart clench. I just can't wait to hold my own daughter like this because after the last few weeks we deserve a little bit of happiness and, I know my child will bring me and, Dante loads of happiness as she is the missing piece of our puzzle. She will complete me and, Dante's little family.

"Her name is Bellamia," Bella says.

"It suits her Bella she is so beautiful she looks just like you," I say whilst standing to give her back to her mother so I can have a cuddle with Alessandro. As soon as I place Bellamia into her mother's arms Alessandro runs into my open arms and I place him onto my hip and I cuddle him close.

"I missed you so much mio Bellissimo note," I say and, he smiles at me. I sit down just as Dante appears in the doorway and he looks at me with a strange look. One I've never seen before and, I just smile in response. He just stands there and, stares at me as if I am about to disappear and, I realise that he has to do that to make sure I'm okay and to give himself some peace of mind.

I play with Alessandro for the rest of the day whilst talking with my sister's. We don't talk about Gio and, I know both me and Gianna is glad about that. We both want to forget about him and, I know it's going to be harder for her but I will be here with her to help her the whole way because it's about time we forget about him and leave him in the past.

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