Feels Like Forever (A Johnnie Guilbert Fic)

Bonus Chapter: Drown

"I'm so tired of the rain falling softly on the ground. Just enough to get my feet wet but not enough to let me drown. I've been laying in my bed wishing I had never woken. Begging God to rid my head of every word you've ever spoken"

-Johnnie's POV-

I haven't stopped crying since I left Baltimore. I can't stop, how could I? I did nothing but love her and for what? For all of it to go to shit? I have been loving, supportive, and patient. I made sure she was okay when she was sick, I stood by her side when she needed me. This is not fair, why did she have to keep this from me? I hate her. No that's a lie. I still love her. But I hate her for keeping this from me. Honestly I didn't even want to come back to San Jose. I was hoping to fly to Bryan's house for the rest of break and maybe even stay there. But he's on a cruise in Florida, so I had no choice but to come back. I hated the whole flight back, it just reminded me of when I met her. The girl who I thought was the one, but obviously I was wrong, So damn wrong. I have never felt so sad, not since I went through depression. I honestly felt sick of thinking about the whole thing since I got home, so I went out for a walk. Hoping to clear my mind. I end up going to a nearby lake, it's where I usually went to be alone. I take my phone out from my pocket, secretly hoping to hear anything from Skye. Nothing. As much as I hate what she's done to me, I still love her. I'm so confused! I don't even know how to feel about the whole thing! Maybe I should talk to her, work things out? Maybe she had a good reason to keep all this from me. But can I ever trust her again? I wish I knew what to do!

"Are you okay?"

I quickly wipe my tears and turn around to see who's there, I really thought I was alone.

"W-what are you doing here?" It's Clover. She walks closer and sits next to me.

"I was hanging by the town square and saw you walk into the woods. You looked pretty upset, so I wanted to see if you were okay."

Why does she care? We haven't spoken at all since we broke up. Actually not since Skye's art show. She tried talking to me, but I ignored her. Just like she did when I tried talking to her after our breakup.

"C'mon Johnnie. I know we haven't talked and all, but I hate seeing you upset. What's wrong?"

I feel myself starting to tear up again. Can I even talk to her about what I'm going through? She hates Skye, what help would she be? I'm so confused!

"Johnnie don't cry." She pats my back. "Does this have something to do with Skye?"

"W-we broke up." I finally break and spill, I couldn't hold back any longer. I need someone to talk to.

"Oh no. What happened? You two looked so happy together."

"There were...issues. Trust issues. I broke up with her and came back home."

"Is there anything you can do to fix it?" She tries consoling me. "Maybe it's just a bump in the road?"

I shake my head. "It's not the first time. It's like I don't even know her. That's how bad it is." I wipe away more tears.

"I'm so sorry Johnnie. Believe it or not, I was jealous of your relationship with her, cause of how happy you were. But you know, you're a great, genuine guy. So it's her lost for letting go of someone so amazing as you. Don't waste your time on someone who won't appreciate you. You'll find someone better, I'm sure of it."

"Thanks." I softly say. But what if I don't want to find someone better? Honestly I feel like there isn't anyone in the world like Skye. No one in the world who gets me like she does.

"And to be honest." She moves closer to me. "I-I was never over you."

Wait what?!

"It's why I kept my distance from you. I guess I didn't want you to see that I was never happy after us. Not the same kind of happy I felt when I was with you."

"What about that guy from the lacrosse team?" Right after she broke up with me, she started going out with the captain of the lacrosse team. She looked pretty happy then and ignored my existence since then.

"It wasn't the same. He was a complete asshole. But you, you treated me like I mattered. No one has treated me like that before. You were there when I my parents split, you were always there when I needed you. You cared. And I was so stupid to break up with you. I regret ever breaking up with someone as great as you."

I don't even know how to feel about this. I'm so emotionally unstable I don't even know what to think anymore.

"At the art show, I wanted to tell you that I missed you. But you ignored me. Then I noticed that you and Skye were a thing now, and I couldn't help but feel so jealous. I guess that's why I was so mean to her, because you were with her and I wasn't."

I look towards the lake and try to process everything she just said. I mean despite everything that happened after we grew apart, she was the first person I ever loved. That and she was there when I went through my tough times. Depression, losing my dad, she was there. When I felt like I had no one to talk to, she would be there. But, I still love Skye. I don't know what to do.

"You know I care about you, right? And whatever Skye did to break you down like this, it's not really showing she ever cared." She starts stroking my hair. "I know it's too soon to talk about it, but do you ever think she really loved you? I mean if she did, she wouldn't have these trust issues, right?"

I sit in silence, just taking in everything she says.

"Do you ever think it'll be the same between the two of you? What if she's keeping something else from you?" She gets closer to my ear. "I would never keep anything from you."

She slowly reaches for my hand and holds it. "I'm sorry for what happened between us. If you could give me a chance, I promise to never ever do anything to break you down like she did. I never stopped caring, I hope you can believe me. Do you believe me?"

I slowly nod my head. Can she be right? What if Skye is keeping more from me? Is that why she hasn't tried calling me? It doesn't matter anymore, she broke my heart. Something I never imagined she would do. Maybe moving on is the best thing to do. I don't think I can handle anymore of her lies. I slowly look up to Clover. She has been there for me in the past. Maybe this can work out.

She smiles and wipes a stray tear from my cheek. "Do you want to talk about it now?"

"Do you really want to know?" I still feel sick just thinking about it.

"I'm all ears. What did she do to break my boyfriend's heart?"

"I am broken. I am beaten. I'm mistreated and I'm torn. I am cold with no direction but I'm lost without your warmth. I'm trying hard to find some hope that I might get the chance to breathe. Get off my mind. Give back my heart and get the fuck away from me."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

A/N: If you're reading this, you just read the last bonus chapter~ (And I heart you <3)

That's right I said it, the last bonus chapter D: This story is quickly coming to an end and it's so bittersweet that it's coming to a close. I never expected this story to have such an amazing responose tbh. 3.1K+ reads, 180+ votes, lovely comments, you guys are truly amazing and I thank you so much for the great support <3

With that said, I don't know when the next chapter will be out. Just because I don't want the story to end and all xD JK I'm not selfish and am not going to stall the story. But the last few chapters will be up every week or so~

Yup Mhmm that's basically it, hope you enjoyed this chapter and S/O to Front Porch Step for inspiring this bittersweet chapter. KBYE <3